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How to Date Yourself

How to Date Yourself

I have this theory. If I can master a relationship with myself, then I will finally be able to master a relationship with someone else. After all, how could we possibly expect to fall in love, if we’re not entirely head over heels for ourselves?

Step One: Stop enslaving yourself to your image.

We have been taught that if we can impress others, especially our significant others, we have done something right. While I am not completely shooting down that concept, I think the key is to focus not on what will impress someone else, but rather what will impress ourselves. More importantly, we should want to impress ourselves.

Thanks to social media sites, such as Facebook, Instagram, etc., our image is reflected beyond the mirror in our bathrooms and is now also reflected behind our computer screens and even our phones. It seems that our image is constantly right in front of us, whether we want to see it or not. And sometimes I really feel that I might as well stare at myself in the mirror with an orange and white striped jumpsuit on, because going through my pictures online is becoming just as detrimental to my being as living behind bars.

While we shouldn’t enslave ourselves to our image, I do believe it is important to set ourselves to standards as long as they are realistic standards. Take for example this infamous YouTube celebrity who has received numerous plastic surgery operations in the hopes of transforming herself into a Barbie in the flesh. I don’t know her personally, but I can’t help but think that her drastic measures were out of longing for self-acceptance— though her results are quite the opposite.

Step Two: Be vulnerable to your own vulnerability

The biggest perk to “dating myself” is that I know the true root behind my hair being pulled back as I cook mac and cheese, or the real reason why sunflowers are my favorite kind of flower.

I do believe it is important to guard ourselves and not share everything personal about us right off the bat. However, I should not feel as if I need to guard the internal lock and key of my heart to absolutely everyone in my life forever. By facing my fears, quirks, and more of myself to myself, maybe one day someone else will be able to brave it out as well. The brevity of our lives would be wasted if we could not be brave to others and to ourselves.

Step Three: Call for a Peace Treaty

It is a classic cliché that we carry an angel and an devil on our shoulders. I don’t know if there’s an origin to how that notion was conceived, but the idea that our lives are dependent on more than ourselves really angers me, because it allows the perception that it’s a necessity to find a significant other because we must need someone to complete our “other half”.

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Also, let’s not forget about the golden rule. While the golden rule states to treat others as we would like to be treated, let’s also treat ourselves the way we deserve to be treated. After all, who would want to be our “other-half”, if we do not treat ourselves well as a whole?

So that’s my take on how I’m going to date myself, but here’s why I should.

I’d like to think that once I stop enslaving myself to my appearance, allow myself to be vulnerable to my own vulnerabilities, and finally be at peace with who I am— maybe then I would have truly mastered the relationship I have with myself, and eventually maybe even with someone else some day.

Lastly, there is one thing a relationship with ourselves guarantees that a relationship with anyone else can’t always promise: Our relationship with ourselves is forever. Therefore, why wouldn’t we date ourselves? We’re stuck with ourselves for the rest of our lives, so we might as well fall head over heels for who we are.

Photo credits to Daryll Morgan Photography.

Ella

Ella lives in New York City and eats a Chipotle sofrita bowl once a week. When she was four, she wanted to be Posh Spice when she grew up. (And for the record, she hasn't ruled out that option just yet)
Ella
View Comments (9)
  • My best date ever (& I’ve been on some good ones, I’d say) was with myself- I put on a cute outfit, shopped a little bit before a movie, ate at a cute little restaurant outside instead of inside (after a boyfriend who always wanted to be in the air conditioning no matter how glorious the day, this felt especially good), ate as slow as I wanted, got dessert, skipped the movie in favor of exploring this little shop where I bought myself an art kit & some canvases, disappointed no one, and when I checked myself out in the shop front windows, I looked great, flaws & all. Tip to remember: take a journal or a camera, or both- if your smart phone works as both, that’s great, but I love the feeling of writing on paper. Spoil yourself with a fancy pen & try calligraphy!

    • Abby! I completely agree that while I’ve been on some good dates, the best ones have to be the ones I’ve had with myself. I also LOVE how you noted how people should carry something with them that they can use to document whatever comes their way– I am a full advocate of that lifestyle! Thank you SO much for sharing, I love knowing that someone could relate :)

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