For a 21-year-old rising college senior, I cannot say that I have come across many Prince Charmings. Quite the opposite actually. I have managed to find some “winners” with epic, and rather unconvincing one-liners.
Since these guys didn’t get anything back when they employed these remarks, I might as well share them with the readers of Literally, Darling. Someone besides my friends (who I obviously told immediately) should get a good laugh out of it.
1. “I feel like you would be good in bed.”
Don’t get me wrong. I love a good compliment. My favorite ones I’ve ever received include, “You’re a great hugger,” and “You’re a very genuine person.” So, needless to say, this line did not really work in this gentleman’s favor. I’m no expert on the subject, but I don’t think you can define someone’s ability in bed by his or her looks. Note: this was the first line the gentlemen spoke to me. He didn’t even know my name.
2. “It’s okay, I’ll be gentle.”
Oh good, I was worried you would be rough, and now, you sir, have convinced me otherwise. We just met but I now trust you completely. I mean, the only reason I wasn’t going to have sex with you was because I was scared you would be rough. Why else would a woman say no to sex?
3. “Just tell me, how many people have you slept with?”
If we were in a relationship, this would be a perfectly rational question. I would want to know the same. But I already told you I wasn’t going to sleep with you, so why should it matter? If it were a small number, would you feel better about yourself? Maybe I didn’t deny only you?
4. “Why not? Are you religious?”
No, I’m not. I may not be a “good, Christian girl,” but that does not mean I am going to have sex with you. I know virgin atheists and Christian girls who have an active and healthy sex life. For me, religion, or lack thereof, has absolutely nothing to do with my relationships.
5. “You would do well with me; my parents are rich.”
That’s nice! Your mom and dad are great people, I’m sure. Your mom is probably dying to get your one-night stand a nice Christmas present the next time she sees me. Besides the obvious “douchey-ness,” this one truly concerns me. You must be lacking in the confidence (or another…) area and feel the need to make up for it with monetary value.
And for any guys reading, help your bros out and stop them before they pull out any of these gems, because it’s never going to end well. For some reason, most women just don’t respond well to condescension.
Disclaimer: Each of these guys had consumed a couple alcoholic beverages. Perhaps it was just the alcohol talking?