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This Week In Awkward: 11/22

This Week In Awkward: 11/22

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We had a little worry this week: Despite having our Awkward document up, no one had contributed any stories. Was our socially ineptness wearing thin? Were we turning into less socially awkward human beings? Hah. Right. One call of “Awkward—Assemble!” and our darling writers came forth in spades to regale us with all their awkward glory.

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Courtney: Ghostly Reminders

One of my coworkers often remarks about how he doesn’t have a family, he’s an only child and doesn’t come from a big family, so consequently he dislikes Thanksgiving. The other day we were talking and he mentioned visiting an aunt down South when he was younger. Quick to jump on what seemed like a great opportunity, I go, “See, you DO have family!” The next words out of his mouth were, “She’s dead.” OOPS.

Haley: Freaky Foot Girl

I decided to wear a pair of 5-inch heels to work the other day. It’s not unheard of, but I made the mistake of wearing them on my busiest day, during which I’m usually on my feet for about 13 hours. Well, I ended up with a huge blister on the side of my foot. I stumbled to my car at the end of the workday, collapsed into the driver’s seat, slid the seat back and pulled off the shoe. Well, as I’m sitting there in the car with my leg pulled up so I can look at my foot, I feel someone watching me. I looked up slowly and saw my boss (The Big Boss; I work at a university, in the alumni office, which is a division of Advancement—we’re talking the vice president of that division) sort of peering in my passenger window, just looking at me looking at my foot. I just sort of smiled and waved awkwardly and drove away really quickly.

Bridey: The Universal Language of Pantomime

The other day I left my internship a little early, and when I got to our apartment building found, much to my dismay, that the front door was broken. The sensor that unlocks the door wasn’t responding, so I was locked out. My phone was dead (as always), so I wound up sitting in front hoping someone would see me through the window. Finally, another tenant shows up. However, he doesn’t speak any English and I speak no Spanish, so while we waited for someone to come let us in, we wound up standing at either side of the door making awkward eye contact and half nodding, making vague attempts to say “Someone will show up”  in our respective languages. Fifteen minutes later, someone finally did.

Eric:  Brutal Honesty

In an attempt to hire more tutors, I emailed a few professors for recommendations. I got some nice responses and even a few names right off the bat. My favorite one, though, was from a professor in social work. She wrote, “This sounds really bad, but none of my students are really that good this semester.” Yikes. That does sound really bad and it also sounds like something I didn’t need to know.

Ella: More Butt Coffee, Please

I’m all about coffee dates. They’re the perfect way to casually get to know a person with the least bit of pressure on my socially awkward self. But the other day, I somehow managed to do quite the opposite. We were outside drinking coffee and talking when my friend ran into us. So naturally, I stood up and hugged my friend. When I sat back down, I landed right into his cup of coffee, but luckily none of his coffee spilled. Crisis averted, right? Nope! A few minutes later, he continues to drink the coffee. Apparently, he wasn’t done with it—unlike me, that date, and any relationship with him which has already ended before it barely even began.

See Also

Michelle: Get Your Free Chocolate

My friend and I picked up milk and hot chocolate mix for our flatmate and stopped at a pub on the way home. It was a freezing night, so we left the bag of groceries just outside. When we left to go home an hour later, they had disappeared! We had to go back to the grocery store and buy the exact same things again. Somewhere, someone is enjoying some free hot chocolate, courtesy of our awkwardness.

Amy: Cream On Me

Another barista bungle. This time, my co-worker was laughing at herself because she got whipped cream down her front. Without thinking, I started singing Bill Withers’ “Lean On Me,” substituting ‘lean’ for ‘cream.’ Let that sink in for a second. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I became aware of the agonising cringiness of what I had just done and stood for a few seconds while my co-workers started to cry with laughter. I am still blushing.

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How awkward was your week? Tweet us @litdarling!

Haley

Haley is a writer and editor based in Birmingham, Alabama, who specializes in narrative nonfiction. She began writing at age 16 after enrolling in her North Alabama high school's newspaper class. She later studied journalism and history at the University of Alabama. In her spare time, she prepares for her eventual sorting into Slytherin House, has frequent chats with her bust of Abraham Lincoln, and feeds an inordinate amount of lettuce to her pet bunny, Ray Bradbury. To contact her, please shout into the nearest void or talk loudly about Jason Isbell’s discography.
Haley
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