This week we were so awkward it even rubbed off on our dogs. Make sure to take a peek at the end for a special guest entry from the most awkward dog you’ve ever seen.
LINDSEY: “Thor’s Hammer”
Once again my awkward moment comes from my class this semester. I was sitting in the back of the class talking to a friend about how all these celebrities are announcing they are pregnant within days of each other. Ginnifer Goodwin and her fiancé Josh Dallas of “Once Upon a Time” are expecting. As is Kelly Clarkson. Then I said, “So is Thor’s wife, which makes total sense to me because if I were her I would just be pregnant all the time.” Then the whole class erupts in laughter and I hear someone say, “That is the best thing I’ve heard all day.” While normally few things embarrass me, I was not expecting the entire class to be listening, nor did I realize how loud I was. Needless to say my face turned a marvelous shade of red and I covered my face until class officially started.
ERIC: “Secret Text-Buddy”
This week I got a text from a number I didn’t know. It said, “Hey, Kim, do you want me to send those pics I told you about?” A number of responses ran through my head but the loudest was, “NO, NO, I don’t want those pictures! ABORT, ABORT!” I’m not sure how long my mouth hung agape in horror, but I never actually responded to the text. I guess Kim will never get those pictures.
MELISSA: “Get Your X-tina On”
I’m usually alone in my house, and by that I mean, my parents may or may not be around during the day. Two of our dogs sleep in my room and I knew my parents were out for appointments. I was belting out Christina Aguilera’s “YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL IN EVERY SINGLE WAY” to the dogs right as I turned the corner and saw three men in our living room installing the new TV. I just turned around and decided to hide in my room until they left. This is what happens when the dogs in your house outnumber the people. Really: This is what happens when you’re 24 and the biggest dog lady of all your friends.
AMY: “One Latte for Satan”
It was ten minutes ‘til close at the coffee shop I work at, and this grumpy lady who comes in quite often appeared at the door and poked her head in as I was mopping. She comes in and orders the most obnoxiously difficult to make drinks, and very often sends them back two or three times until we get it right. She asked if she could come in for a quick drink and I said, “Of course, but you’ll have to have it in a takeaway cup”. She wasn’t having any of it. I politely said, “Come back tomorrow!” as she slunk away. She only snapped back, “I might be dead tomorrow.” Several passers-by heard. I’m pretty sure I could see them wincing at the burn.
KELSEY: “Keep Victoria A Secret”
I hate malls. But I had a coupon for a free panty at Victoria’s Secret so I had to brave the ridiculously crowded mall to get it. Cue me storming through the mall with my ponytail, no makeup, windpants, sweatshirt, and almost running over several old people and small children in the process. I finally found the store but I’d never been in one before (only shopped online) and had no idea what to expect. I was completely blindsided by the pure “girliness” of it. So I charged around the store until I found a sales associate and waved my coupon in her face until she pointed me in the right direction. Finally found the “panty station” (what???) and after rummaging through all the colors, grabbed one and charged around again until I found the checkout location, where I had to navigate around the teeny-boppers that were congregating around the lip gloss (and after I steadfastly avoided staring at an elderly woman picking out pink lingerie). Then I had to make my escape from the mall, appalled that I was carrying that pink bag that announces to the world that I entered VS and I bought something that goes where the sun don’t shine. I’ll definitely be avoiding VS on Saturdays from now on.
GUEST PUP & LD MASCOT– LILY: “Squirrel Voyeur”
What’s more awkward than a little pup climbing seven feet in the air to stand on top of a potting bench just to glare at the squirrels who like to run along the fence line?