Let’s Stop Being Our Own Worst Enemy

For the love of whatever god you may believe in, or even simply for the love we should at least have for ourselves: Let’s stop being our own worst enemy. If we can’t even like ourselves, who will?

This is an article I’ve tried to write many times before. I’ve written the latter side of this argument, which was about the concept of dating ourselves before we dive into a genuine relationship with anyone else, because I wholeheartedly believe we owe ourselves that much. But maybe before we hypothetically date ourselves we should start with the bare minimum—let’s stop hating ourselves.

If you are confident in who you are, then I applaud you. I admire people like that. The truth is, one of the most secure things about myself is how insecure I can be… and I absolutely despise that about myself. But that shouldn’t give me a reason to hate myself, but rather I should hate feeling that way. We can only control so much of what we think, but we certainly have the control over how we act upon our thoughts.

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve called myself “ugly” in front of someone, I would be a billionaire at the least. Yet even if I lived in a world where that was an option, why should I ever allow myself to live that way?

What I am starting to realize is that the more I call myself “ugly,” the uglier I’ll only become. By terrorizing myself whenever I look in the mirror, and/or around others, I’m simply granting permission to everyone to see me in that light. Isn’t that ironic? If I continue to call myself ugly, I’m practically asking for people to see me that way too because I’m giving them every reason, which is the last thing I would ever want. In fact, that’s probably the ugliest thing anyone could ever do to themselves. Maybe the ugly truth of the matter is that if I truly see myself as “ugly,” I’ve allowed myself to feel that way inside.

And why the heck can’t I see how beautiful I am? Everyone says I’m a carbon copy of my mother, who is hands-down the most beautiful woman I have ever known. And I do see major similarities between the two of us. Maybe I can’t see myself the way I see my mother because I am too busy hating who I am, which is such a shame because I know if my mom was still alive, she would hate the idea of me hating myself. Worst of all, maybe she might even blame herself?

While she was still alive and I was growing up with her, she would constantly ask me if I thought she was pretty. I never even knew why that was a question because I never had to think of the answer. It was and will always be yes. I never understood why she even needed to ask… and here I am doing the exact same thing to everyone else around me. Like mother like daughter, huh?

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So I’m finally going to stop, and if you’re in the same position as me, I hope you will want to as well. I know this is all so much easier said than done, but as I mentioned before: Although we can only control so much of what we think, we can definitely control how we act upon our thoughts.

And what are my thoughts exactly? My thoughts are that the ugliest thing I could do to myself is to live in such an ugly state of mind.

So for the love of the God I believe in, and quite simply for the love I deserve to have for myself: I’m going to stop being my own worst enemy.

Ella
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