You can see their derision eyeing you from behind ironic non-prescription hipster glasses. They stand in gaggles clouding the sidewalks, loudly parading about supermarket aisles, causing mayhem with no regard for anyone around them. They have iPads and cellphones. “Youths,” you say, rolling your eyes. “But they’re mature for their age,” their siblings entreat. They’re cooler than you and they know it. Their days are meticulously managed and scheduled to a T and their Instagram follower count is higher than your college debt. But they wear chicer duds to the playground than you do to go to class. They are far from the overall-wearing tots of the nineties. Have they gone too far? When will their antics end?
1. Sheer. Black. Lace
Tiny children wear black on black and looks of disgust.
2. Their celebrity obsession is everywhere
Pitbull does winter-wear.
3. They look too mature
Maybe it’s the sophistication or the smooth side part. Something about Prince George’s aura is vaugely grandpa-ish. But he carries it with charm.
4. They flaunt the artfully disheveled look
Or they’re actually disheveled from being like five years old.
5. Basic Poses
Paired with outfits you could never pull off.
6. They promote bands they don’t actually listen to
Also their parents buy them cars and they don’t appear the least bit grateful.
7. They stylishly mimic that whole seasoned world traveler look
But secretly (their moms) just ordered online.
8. Their vanity is uncontrollable
Nothing like a snazzy pair of suspenders to feed the ego.
9. They do the whole hipster thing
But actually accessorize pretty dang well.
10. They obsessed over fall all year
They just can’t seem to stop talking about pumpkin spice lattés, halloween, bonfires, and Uggs