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RIP ABC Family: Why We Hate the Name “Freeform”

RIP ABC Family: Why We Hate the Name “Freeform”

Hello, it’s Freeform.

ABC Family is changing its name to “Freeform” on Tuesday, January 12th to appeal to a generation that it has so lovingly (read: infuriatingly) dubbed “becomers.” To say goodbye to our beloved ABC Family (#RIP), here are our reasons why we’ll miss the original network name:

1. Because “becomers” sounds like something your mom/dad made up when trying to sound hip and cool to all the kids during a mid-life crisis. STOP TRYING TO BE COOL ABC FAMILY, YOU’RE EMBARRASSING ME IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS!

2. “Freeform’s 25 Days of Christmas” just doesn’t sound the same. What am I supposed to watch when avoiding eye contact/conversation with my family during the holidays now?!?!

3. They say change is good. That it’s healthy. That it’s OK. Spoiler alert: It’s not. We “becomers” are going through a lot of changes in life—height, acne, hormones, angst. Can’t we have ONE stable thing in our lives? THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.

4. FreeForm sounds like a weird cult name. Come on, this is not a good name for a TV network. What does “Freeform” even mean? “I believe in the power of freeform and that is how I will commune with angels.” The headlines just write themselves.

5. ABC Family was actually a very sweet idea. We understand the controversy, but no one can deny that ABC Family was try to portray “a new kind of family.” One that was all inclusive and showed us that not all families look alike but they do love alike. After all, we really shouldn’t give into haters.

6. It gives your conservative parents something else to complain about. Conservative parents were already up in arms about ABC Family’s progressive content, but were still somewhat pacified by its familial ties. Now, prepare yourself for complaints about how everything has to be “free” now and “there are no rules or morals or guidelines anymore.” Yay.

7. Freeform is the Mighty Kids Meal of television. Like you can almost watch adult shows, but nottttttttt quite yet.

8. Still want to know why “The Harry Potter Weekend” network was rejected as a title.  Is there ever a time when Harry Potter isn’t on? Why not just give in and call a spade a spade, ABC. You’re the HP re-run network and we love you for it.

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Mayura Iyer

Mayura is not one to be idle - she is hyper-involved and hates having nothing to do. She has been likened to a Disney animated princess and to Mort, the tiny lemur from Madagascar (on separate occasions). An intense nostalgic, you can often find her listening to her "...Baby One More Time" 90's pop Pandora station or dancing the same music that played during her middle school dance. She studies to the Lord of the Rings and Star Wars soundtracks and is on a mission to raise awareness about the redundancy of the phrase "chai tea". When she's not out conquering the world, she is usually binge-watching 30 Rock, Gilmore Girls, or Parks and Rec. Her friendship can be bought with wine and cheese.
Mayura Iyer
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