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Your Ultimate Valentine’s Day Netflix Guide for Saps & Cynics

Your Ultimate Valentine’s Day Netflix Guide for Saps & Cynics

Pretty much no one is of a same mind when it comes to whether Valentine’s Day is the best, worst, or most useless holiday out there. But one thing is certain: most people will be plonking down on a couch to binge watch this weekend—be it with a significant other, or just with their cat. Since finding something to watch on Netflix is the single greatest problem facing our generation, we’ve helped you out and compiled a list of suggestions for any scenario your Valentine’s Day Netflix binge-fest might encounter.

TO WATCH WITH THE SIGNIFICANT OTHER WHO HATES ROMANCE

Chasing Amy

CHASING AMY, Joey Lauren Adams, Jason Lee, 1997. (c) Miramax Films.
CHASING AMY, Joey Lauren Adams, Jason Lee, 1997. (c) Miramax Films

Joey Lauren Adams kills it in this Kevin Smith classic (yes, Jay and Silent Bob make an appearance). The film explores the concepts of slut shaming and fucking up your best chances.

House

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Is there anyone more cynical, pessimistic, and scathing than Dr. Gregory House? Probably not, which is why when your teeth are rotting from the saccharine taste of love in the air, no one will speak to your soul like this grumpy curmudgeonly doctor.

 

Forrest Gump
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Forrest Gump is the epitome of what human trial and goodness is supposed to be told through a simple and earnest man who loves the world with his whole heart. It lets you feel like even when everything is terrible there’s still goodness, but it doesn’t come in a heart shaped package.

 

 

TO WATCH WITH THE SIGNIFICANT OTHER THAT LOVES ROMANCE

Notting Hill

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Almost 20 years old, this classic rom-com has all of the ingredients for the perfect sappy romance: a big city (London), a Hollywood actress (Julia Roberts) and a quiet bookstore owner (Hugh Grant), British accents (also Hugh Grant… and many others), an accidental meeting, and life-changing decisions. When Roberts’ and Grant’s characters meet by fate, they must instantly decide how to continue their relationship despite in living in very different worlds. (Sound familiar?) Despite the cliche storyline, the characters are clever and their romance endearing. Not quite a tear-jerker, this film will definitely give you some warm and fuzzy feels.

Jane Eyre

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This classic remade with Michael Fassbender is a slow build of tragedy and love, without the sappiness of cheesy romances. It’s stunningly romantic in its bleakness and gives you a taste of the darker side of love.

Bridget Jones’s Diary

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If you and your partner can survive watching this without dying a thousand second-hand embarrassment deaths together, you are clearly meant to last forever. While technically a rom-com, it’s so painfully enjoyable that you don’t even notice you’re being force fed a relationship.

Shakespeare In Love

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The famous playwright Shakespeare is one of the central characters in this romantic film, and he just so happens to fall in love (much like many of his own characters) with one of the actors. It’s basically romantic Shakespeare within the most romantic Shakespearean play. Oh, and Gwyneth Paltrow is in it. Even the most resistant to period films will fall for this one.

 

TO WATCH BY YOURSELF, BECAUSE CHICK FLICKS ARE REALLY GOOD, OKAY?

One Day

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One Day is both sappy and sad, making it the perfect chick flick to watch on your own, because you’re a sucker for love and because it’s Valentine’s Day and you need something to justify your desire to cry because you are feeling #foreveralone. Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess pair up in this movie, and their relationship is cute and sad and happy and tragic (not necessarily in that order) so it’s a great go-to chick flick.

Stuck In Love

tumblr_mymmowBJXW1rsyukao1_500Stuck in Love is a hidden Netflix gem that will very quickly reach the top of your “re-watch” list. It follows an acclaimed writer, his ex-wife, their high school aged son and their college daughter as all four fall in and out of love over the course of a year. It’s super cute, and not cliché, which is pleasantly surprising. Plus, you can geek out about the fact that they’re all writers. There’s even a phone call with a famous author! This one might make you cry too, but it’s worth it. Bonus: It features big name actors like Lily Collins, Nat Wolff, and Kristen Bell. What’s not to love?

Outsourced

badfilmreview3At a company that makes American tschotskes, Todd’s entire department is (ironically) outsourced to India. He must travel there to train his replacement. While there is a romantic aspect to this movie, it is not just that. The endearing characters and classic fish-out-of-water scenarios are quite enjoyable.

Upside Down

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This movie is adorable and I will tell everyone about it forever. It features a world where two gravities exist simultaneously. Obviously one is more affluent than the other because thats how stories work. It’s about two people, Eden and Adam, who are children when they first meet. Adam spends his whole life trying to transition to the upper gravity to be with Eden. It’s a sweet story without being totally campy. It’s science fiction with a twist and you definitely won’t feel like you’ve seen this one before.

 

TO WATCH BY YOURSELF, BECAUSE YOU COULDN’T GIVE LESS OF A SHIT ABOUT VALENTINE’S DAY

Cruel Intentions

tumblr_nrhagbf0gI1tvav1do3_540Known as the constant reminder that Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe were the cutest couple ever, Cruel Intentions may be the best ’90s cult classic of all time. Sebastian (Phillippe) and his lusty stepsister Kathryn (Sarah Michelle Gellar) devise a plan to morally corrupt new student Annette (Witherspoon) and make her Sebastian’s sexual conquest, though she is vocal about wanting to remain a virgin until marriage. Cruel Intentions combines Gossip Girl, 50 Shades of Grey, and a Shakespearian Tragedy perfectly, and has the best combination of love and hate, making it fantastic for us Valentine’s Day-Haters.

Armageddon

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This action movie has just enough romance to qualify for V-Day watching but its ending will leave sappy couples in despair. It’s the end of the world and some old guys are the only hopes to save the planet. Also, it features Ben Affleck before he was a jerk who cheated on Jennifer Garner, and Liv Tyler being amazing as always.   

Stardust

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Yeah, there is a strong romantic story to this film, but it ain’t sappy, and there is a whole lot to it besides. The motherless Tristain promises to get a star for his one true love, and when he crosses over a wall he isn’t supposed to cross over, he discovers that the star is an actual person. But he isn’t the only one chasing after the star: there are heirs to the throne, and a witch (played by the brilliant Michelle Pfeiffer) who are gunning it for her as well. In addition to Pfeiffer, Robert De Niro and Claire Danes star in this adventurous movie.

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If you haven’t watched Netflix’s newest ass-kicking original series, then hop to it. It’s perfect for a Valentine’s bingefest, because you’re sure to fall in love… at least with Jessica’s leather jacket/boots look. The series can be a little dark at times, but is immensely and impressively good—and David Tenant playing the most morally reprehensible character in TV history makes it all the better.

TO WATCH WITH ALL YOUR GALENTINES

TiMER

tumblr_nq2hr1LDim1u5nts1o1_500This movie will definitely give you something to think about. In the future, you can get an implant (timer) that will tell you, to the second, when you’re going to meet your soulmate. However, if your soulmate doesn’t have the implant, your timer remains blank, as is the frustrating case with never-the-bride Oona, the protagonist of the film. Her sister’s Steph’s timer says she will not meet her soul mate until she is 43, leaving her drifting through life choices until that point. It’s not the best-made film I’ve ever seen, but it has stuck with me over the years because it brings up a lot of interesting points about destiny.

Chocolat

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This movie features Johnny Depp and lots of melting chocolate. You’re welcome.

 

Pride and Prejudice (2005)

tumblr_mn8lu0stON1sqznooo1_500Thank God this finally came to Netflix and you have female friends who won’t judge you (hard) for your obsession with Regency Romances and their improbable cravat-ed sex lives.

Practical Magic

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A fantastic screen version of Alice Hoffman’s book starring Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock, it’s about two orphaned outcast sisters finding love sometimes, but more than anything else, discovering the enduring power of their bond with one another. It’s a classic (almost) all-female cast that lets women make bad decisions, feel guilty whether deserved or not, wallow, and be unendingly supportive even when they don’t want to. Plus it inspires midnight margaritas, which is always a good idea.

 

So what’s your Valentine’s Day binge of choice? Tweet us @litdarling

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