60 Thoughts We Had While Watching The Bachelor Finale

It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for—the season finale of The Bachelor, the show we love to hate. And this time, instead of reserving our uncensored thoughts for our text messages, we’ve decided to share them on the Internet. Grab some wine, chocolate, and tissues, because THE MOST DRAMATIC FINALE EVER of The Bachelor has begun.

“Ben Higgins will be a MARRIED MAN by the end of the night” WHAT IS HAPPENING
His PASTOR? Neil Lane?!
How much did they have to PAY both JoJo AND Lauren B’s families to be here? Tbh it just seems cruel.
Wow Lauren charmed the PANTS off of his mom just with that hug. “Oh gosh!!!”
Why does Ben talk to Lauren like she’s his cute puppy dog?
I’m such a cynic—when someone says “Ben told me to trust him, and I just did,” I don’t think AWW HOW SWEET. I think, wow, that is really dumb.
You’re already calling them Amy and Dave? Damn girl.
Ben’s mom serving up some REALNESS HONEY. Relationships aren’t always “rosy” bitch.
NEW RULE: Take a shot every time Lauren says “like.”
Or when her nose turns red.
“Lauren set the bar really high” DANGER FOR JOJO?!
“Too much cuuddle timeeee?”—Ben’s mom. Awkward laughs ensue.
JoJo is really working the tears, but it’s obvious that her feelings for Ben are a lot more grounded than Lauren’s—it’s less unicorns and rainbows but still strong.
I CAN’T HANDLE THIS IT’S JUST SO MUCH HEALTHIER THAN HIS RELATIONSHIP AND LAUREN.
PLEASE PICK JOJO.
Four members of Lauren’s family are here, and they’re laughing and happy. Only JoJo’s mom and dad are here, and they look really solemn. Accidental spoiler, ABC?
I don’t care how much her brothers hate Ben…they’d totally be here if JoJo was getting married TONIGHT……..right?
Also what a ratchet wedding setup.
Dat rose covered arched alter doe. #ProducersTripToHobbyLobby
“Maybe it has been too perfect, too easy” YES BEN. YOU ARE RIGHT. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. IT’S TOO RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS.
It only took him until the finale.
“No matter what happens”…SO ominous.
Jojo has the balls to ask him about the other relationship. Who’s the more mature woman here? COUGH COUGH JOJO
“You’ve become my best friend”—Ben. OK PLEASE JUST PICK JOJO
THE BATHROOM DOOR IS SHUTTING.
WHY ARE THEY IN THE BATHROOM?!
WHAT IS THE POINT OF BEING IN THE BATHROOM IF WE CAN STILL HEAR EVERYTHING YOU’RE SAYING?!
JOJO FELT SPECIAL!!!!
“I’m lost. Just…lost.”—This reminds me of Hook when Tootles keeps repeating that he’s lost his marbles.
“We’ve never had real moments, but what I have with Lauren is incredibly real.” Um….
Sounds more like what you have ISN’T real Ben, but, uh, that’s just me.
That’s a really LARGE ring.
JoJo ALWAYS kills it with the dresses.
And that cleavage.
Moment of truth—the helicopter is landing.
NOOOOOOOOOOO I CAN’T WATCH.
The feet are stepping out.
THOSE COULD BE ANYONE’S FEET.
They look like Lauren’s.
Please let it be Lauren’s. Wait what color is the dress.
It’s pink. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
YOU MADE THE WRONG CHOICE, BEN.
OMG BEN SAY SOMETHING!!!
STOP TALKING JOJO STOP TALKING!!!
That “but” though.
She is PISSED.
NO IT’S NOT OK. IT’S NOT FINE.
“Do you want me to walk you out?” “If you want to.” THE SALT.
Jojo is every heartbroken woman right now with that sass.
DON’T TOUCH HER YOU JUST BROKE HER HEART.
OMG Ben’s tears are too much for me.
JoJo going “10 Things I Hate About You” on Ben saying that she hates that she can’t hate him.
“There was no good reason to say goodbye to JoJo. I could have married JoJo.”—WHY ARE YOU SAYING THIS RIGHT NOW YOU’RE LITERALLY ABOUT TO PROPOSE TO ANOTHER WOMAN.
THE OMINOUS CALL.
Wait this is so boring.
I need more wine.
Lauren’s got an ass that won’t quit.
“I hope that when I get proposed to that he won’t say ‘I wanna kiss you on the face’”—my roommate, as we down another glass of wine.
The rose is SO UNNECESSARY AT THIS POINT THOUGH.
F this show. But this is cute. I guess.

All we can ask ourselves now is—when does JoJo’s season of The Bachelorette premiere? Or, more importantly, when does The Bachelor in Paradise premiere???

“Ben Higgins will be a MARRIED MAN by the end of the night” WHAT IS HAPPENING

His PASTOR? Neil Lane?!

How much did they have to PAY both JoJo AND Lauren B’s families to be here? Tbh it just seems cruel.

Wow Lauren charmed the PANTS off of his mom just with that hug. “Oh gosh!!!”

Why does Ben talk to Lauren like she’s his cute puppy dog?

I’m such a cynic—when someone says “Ben told me to trust him, and I just did,” I don’t think AWW HOW SWEET. I think, wow, that is really dumb.

You’re already calling them Amy and Dave? Damn girl.

Ben’s mom serving up some REALNESS HONEY. Relationships aren’t always “rosy” bitch.

NEW RULE: Take a shot every time Lauren says “like.”

Or when her nose turns red.

“Lauren set the bar really high” DANGER FOR JOJO?!

“Too much cuuddle timeeee?”—Ben’s mom. Awkward laughs ensue.

JoJo is really working the tears, but it’s obvious that her feelings for Ben are a lot more grounded than Lauren’s—it’s less unicorns and rainbows but still strong.

I CAN’T HANDLE THIS IT’S JUST SO MUCH HEALTHIER THAN HIS RELATIONSHIP AND LAUREN.

PLEASE PICK JOJO.

Four members of Lauren’s family are here, and they’re laughing and happy. Only JoJo’s mom and dad are here, and they look really solemn. Accidental spoiler, ABC?

I don’t care how much her brothers hate Ben…they’d totally be here if JoJo was getting married TONIGHT……..right?

Also what a ratchet wedding setup.

Dat rose covered arched alter doe. #ProducersTripToHobbyLobby

“Maybe it has been too perfect, too easy” YES BEN. YOU ARE RIGHT. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. IT’S TOO RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS.

It only took him until the finale.

“No matter what happens”…SO ominous.

Jojo has the balls to ask him about the other relationship. Who’s the more mature woman here? COUGH COUGH JOJO

“You’ve become my best friend”—Ben. OK PLEASE JUST PICK JOJO

THE BATHROOM DOOR IS SHUTTING.

WHY ARE THEY IN THE BATHROOM?!

WHAT IS THE POINT OF BEING IN THE BATHROOM IF WE CAN STILL HEAR EVERYTHING YOU’RE SAYING?!

JOJO FELT SPECIAL!!!!

“I’m lost. Just…lost.”—This reminds me of Hook when Tootles keeps repeating that he’s lost his marbles.

“We’ve never had real moments, but what I have with Lauren is incredibly real.” Um….

Sounds more like what you have ISN’T real Ben, but, uh, that’s just me.

That’s a really LARGE ring.

JoJo ALWAYS kills it with the dresses.

And that cleavage.

Moment of truth—the helicopter is landing.

NOOOOOOOOOOO I CAN’T WATCH.

The feet are stepping out.

THOSE COULD BE ANYONE’S FEET.

They look like Lauren’s.

Please let it be Lauren’s. Wait what color is the dress.

It’s pink. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.