We know that you are awaiting the Gilmore Girls revival about as patiently as Lorelai waits for her morning coffee, i.e. NOT AT ALL. It goes without saying that in order to get the full “Life’s short. Talk fast” experience of GG, you need to watch the entire series at least once. However, seeing that the revival is only a few weeks away, we’ve come up with a list of episodes that you can totally skip in your re-watching marathon (and no—it’s not the entire 7th season). This list will assist you in optimizing your binge-watching time. With the hours you’ll save, you’ll be able to buy a boa and have two glasses of wine at lunch in Reno.
1. “Back in the Saddle Again” (Season 2, Episode 18)
As amusing as an inside look into the lives at Chilton is, these 40 minutes can be skipped if you are in a hurry. While Richard working with Rory on a school project does highlight their relationship, we already knew that they were thicker than the expired Chinese food in the Lorelai’s fridge. The only useful thing we learn out of this episode is that Richard is bored of retirement and wishes to start another career, which we could have inferred from the episode when he follows Lorelai around the Independence Inn for a day and drives her to contemplate Sylvia Plath-ing herself. The real reason to skip this episode is that we all would have been better off without that terrible economics project idea of selling glittery, leopard-print first aid kits to rich high school kids. We don’t know what kind of high school you all went to, but no one we knew needed their own personal mini-vault in their locker.
2. “Eight O’Clock at the Oasis” (Season 3, Episode 5)
Why was a new kooky character introduced? Was Stars Hollow lacking in weirdness? What was the point? And then after this episode, we never see the crazy-newly-divorced-Dwight again? Watching Lorelai beg her mother for the number of a cute man was a highlight, but even that was not worth re-watching. Time is better spent playing bagel hockey at Luke’s. Why did we not even get to watch Lorelai’s boring date? That train wreck would’ve made the season.
3. “Here Comes the Son” (Season 3, episode 21)
If a Jess-spin-off series ever came to be, then this would’ve been a necessary set-up episode. Seeing as that never happened, watching Jess wear a black leather jacket around California is just time that you’re not getting back. Sure, an inside look into the life of Jess Mariano attempts to explain his attitude that belongs in Grease, but you definitely do not need to re-watch this episode in preparation for the revival.
4. “A Family Matter” (Season 4, episode 12)
It is up for contention which Gilmore love interest was the absolute worst, but Digger is way up there on the list. Jason Stiles, a.k.a. Digger, Richard’s business partner and Lorelai’s fling. Or rather, a ridiculous fling that turned into a serious relationship in which a key was exchanged, and then after a business break-up, Jason wants to sue his girlfriend’s dad. Skip any and all Digger episodes, but especially this one. Rich kid Digger tries to hang out in Stars Hollow and is rude: shocker. Why did Lorelai ever like him?
5. “Scene in a Mall” (Season 4, episode 15)
If there was one plot line of GG that we wish we could unsee, it would be the gross scenes about Lindsay’s pathetic attempts to be a housewife. Seriously? A 19-year-old and her mother bring Dean a hot lunch everyday? That is their entire existence? Pass us the garbage can. The one saving grace of this episode is Emily’s mental breakdown at a shopping mall. At least Jason wasn’t in this episode.
6. “Say Goodbye to Daisy Miller” (Season 5, episode 1)
This is just painful to watch. Rory sleeps with Dean AGAIN, while he is still married. Lorelai is upset with Rory, making Rory angry that Lorelai is mad at her. Obviously the solution to this series of bad mistakes is to jet off to Europe for the summer with your newly-separated grandmother. Here are the plot points so you don’t have to watch: Rory and Lorelai are in a fight, Rory never clarifies with Dean whether he is leaving his wife or not, and runs away like a little girl. Don’t re-watch: It will just make you angry.
7. “To Live and Let Diorama” (Season 5, episode 18)
Here is the TL; DR version of it: Luke threw a frying pan at Taylor’s head, both Rory and Paris had boy problems that eventually were resolved, Lorelai’s mouth gets her in trouble again, and Luke partook in town events in order to brown-nose his way into some property.
8. “Welcome to the Dollhouse” (Season 6, episode 6)
We understand that Rory’s teenage angst towards her mother came out in her 20s, but the amount of episodes in which Rory and Lorelai are not speaking gets a bit tedious. Rory took a semester off of Yale, Lorelai fought with her parents regarding what was best for Rory, Rory joined the DAR, and Richard and Emily threw a fit when they realized that Rory was sexually active. This situation gets drawn out and tiresome—move onto more interesting developments.
9. “Twenty-One is the Loneliest Number” (Season 6, episode 7)
See above. Is a disagreement regarding someone’s educational choices grounds for cancelling a birthday plan that has been in the works for over a decade? We don’t buy it. And that pink martini-ish thing looked terrible.
10. “A Vineyard Valentine” (Season 6, episode 15)
This is the most fruit-salad-masquerading-as-dessert episode of the entire series. Yes, a double date weekend-trip between the Gilmore ladies and their men should have made a great episode — until Luke started acting like the touchiest oversensitive weirdo. We can get on board with the idea of Rory and Lorelai going to the gym just to walk around and get massages, but why would Luke not bring clothes to a weekend trip? Since when does Rory like to cook? As much as we have seen Rory grow up and mature throughout GG, we cannot get on board with her wearing an apron un-ironically.
11. “‘S Wonderful, ‘S Marvelous” (Season 7, episode 4)
Every GG fan knows that season seven is drastically different from the other six seasons—but you could never get the full Gilmore experience if you skip the entire season. However, don’t waste your time on this episode, you’ve seen it all before. Lorelai and Christopher try dating AGAIN, Rory starts another year at Yale, Luke attempts to figure out how to be a father, and Emily sasses a policeman. Skip to the end of the series and collect the junk food: You’re ready for the revival.