The Dating Advice We Already Know, But Actually Need To Accept

I get it. Dating advice is soo annoying in that it can seem much more simpler than it can feel. It’s this vicious cycle of, yes, I know whatever advice that’s being thrown my way is something I probably already know, but it doesn’t mean the advice is any less resounding.

So with that:

You? You’re not disposable. You matter, no matter what. You and your feelings are always valid. There’s nothing humiliating or self-deprecating about admitting that. Never discredit how you feel, whether you believe you deserve to have these feelings or not. If you’re having them, it’s as simple as that.

It’s as simple as knowing that OK, yes, a guy should never leave you comparing yourself to other women. A guy should be so transparent and upfront with you that there’s no room left to wonder how he feels, where you two stand, the whole charade we constantly limbo through when our expectations aren’t aligning with our reality.

And here’s the thing about comparing yourself to other women, who really wins here?  She’s this, she’s that, she’s everything you’ve convinced yourself you’re not. Or maybe you’ve spun it in the other direction because let’s face it, it’s easier to be petty than to be honest.

Just know that there’s a difference between the insecurities we have created for ourselves versus the people and relationships that gave them to us.

If he wants to see you, he’ll make plans. If he wants to be with you, he will. It’s not about playing the game of, let’s wait two hours to respond while analyzing his every move and text as if they’re hieroglyphics.

And never forget, you are your own person. What good is it sitting and waiting around for him to “make a move”? When it comes down to it, how can we possibly expect to get anything we want in life, if we don’t just ask for it?

But in turn, let’s not fill in the words his actions aren’t reflecting. The excuses that blur the black and white lines of how simple relationships and dating should be.

Though I get why we create this gray area when the conclusion is right in front of us. When their silence speaks louder than their words. When the relationship is black and white and the absolute last thing you ever imagined it would look like, so you find yourself in this gray space you’ve created of, oh what does this mean/what’s this guy’s deal, so on and so forth.

You know what it means. You know “what his deal is”, but know it’s OK to find yourself here despite all of that. Sometimes we make things more complicated than they have to be because it can feel safer than coming to terms with the painstakingly obvious.

After all, you’re human.

So if you find yourself in this place of… hoooly shit, how and why the hell can I care about someone who can’t seem to reciprocate the same? Realize that maybe the reason behind this gut-wrenching feeling may actually be a beautiful thing. Because maybe, despite the frustration and lip biting, prideful, whatever-you-want-to-coin-it-as thing with unrequited feelings is that, if nothing else, unrequited feelings are a true testament that at least we know how to feel anything at all.

If there’s one thing we should be willing to accept, it’s that we don’t have to be so numb all the time in order to be loved.

 

Photo credit: David Urbanke

Ella

Ella

Ella lives in New York City and eats a Chipotle sofrita bowl once a week. When she was four, she wanted to be Posh Spice when she grew up. (And for the record, she hasn't ruled out that option just yet)
Ella
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