Kill, Marry, Screw: The Classic Literary Character Edition

Let’s face it, there are some literary characters that just stick with you. Maybe it’s because you wish they were your best friend, you not-so-secretly would love to do the dirty with them, or you wish you could defenestrate them from the pages of your favorite novels.

And at LD, with perhaps the higher than average percentage of English majors and literary nerds congregated in one place, it’s no wonder we spend our free time playing a rousing game of Kill, Marry, Screw with our most beloved and loathed characters. Who knew there were so many of us who have had a deep desire to do the dastardly George Wickham or had thought about how Jay Gatsby is the type to call out another woman’s name in bed and then weep while climaxing?

So since we had such a grand time over thinking this game, we provide you our results to argue over throughout your working day. We added in a friend category to make it more interesting, and some characters may show up a few times in different categories, but can you really blame us? So click on the photos and start sorting through which literary characters we’d most like to kill, marry, befriend, or screw.

Kill

Holden Caulfield, Catcher in the Rye

Amy March, Little Women

Uriah Heep, David Copperfield

Éponine Thénardier, Les Miserables

Zeena Frome, Ethan Frome

Daisy Buchanan, Great Gatsby

Alec Stoke, Tess of the d’Urbervilles

Marianne Dashwood, Sense and Sensibility

Yossarian, Catch-22

Arthur Dimmesdale, Scarlett Letter

Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet, Romeo & Juliet

Heathcliff, Wuthering Heights

Hamlet, Hamlet

Marry

George Knightley, Emma

Atticus Finch, To Kill a Mockingbird

Charles Bingley, Pride and Prejudice

Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice

Captain Wentworth, Persuasion

Theordore “Laurie” Lawrence, Little Women

Gilbert Blythe, Anne of Green Gables

Mr. Rochester, Jane Eyre

Legolas, The Lord of the Rings

Professor Bhaer, Little Women

Jay Gatsby, The Great Gatsby

Befriend

Scarlett O’Hara, Gone with the Wind

Laura Ingalls, Little House on the Prairie

Huck Finn, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

Elizabeth Bennet, Pride and Prejudice

Anne Shirley, Anne of Green Gables

Jane Eyre, Jane Eyre

Jo March, Little Women

Nick Carraway, The Great Gatsby

Scout Finch, To Kill a Mockingbird

Tristam Shandy, The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman

Behemoth, Master & Margarita

Lucy Pevensie, The Chronicles of Narnia

Bilbo Baggins, The Hobbit

Merry and Pippin, The Lord of the Rings

Screw

Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice

Rhett Butler, Gone with the Wind

Count Alexei Kirillov Vronsky, Anna Karenina

George Wickham, Pride and Prejudice

Tea Cake, Their Eyes Were Watching God

Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock Holmes

Maxim de Winter, Rebecca

Dean Moriarty, On the Road

John Thornton, North & South

Captain Ahab, Moby Dick

Aragorn, The Lord of the Rings

Gloria Gilbert, The Beautiful and the Damned

Jay Gatsby The Great Gatsby

 

Who’s on your list? Tweet us @litdarling 

Katie

Katie

Editor-in-Chief & Founder at Literally, Darling
Katie wrote multiple variations of her bio to no avail.The first painted her as a socially awkward political philosophy nerd who is more comfortable in nature, and likes critters more than people. The second spoke of her Southern big sister need to adopt everyone, feed them their feelings, and correct their manners. The third made her sound like a bitchy academic elitist who shops too much and has a dictator complex. All these things are true. In the end, Katie hails from Northern Virginia, hates polarizing politics, wishes she lived in England, and spends more time with her family and animals than anyone else. She can usually be found bossing someone (most likely her sister) around from behind her camera, or hosting overly complicated dinner parties. She writes for a living, is in graduate school for writing, and thought it would be a good idea to change things up, and start a website where she can, you know, write some more.
Katie