23 Answers To “Why Are You Still Single?” That Aren’t A Slap in the Face

It seems that unless you’ve got a rock on your finger and a baby on your hip, people feel inclined to butt their noses in where they don’t belong, specifically into your dating life. If we had a dollar for every time we were asked, “But why are you still single?” we’d be evicting Bill Gates right about now. In a perfect world, we’d be able to simply say, “It’s none of your business,” but when it’s your boss, coworkers, elderly relatives and neighbors, not to mention really pushy guys, it’s not always so simple. The response is obvious, but the gray area in navigating social norms without pissing people off (even if they annoyed you first) can get a bit sticky. So we combined some helpful and some super snarky (and perhaps not at all truthful) go-to lines for you.


 

I can barely tolerate people as friends, nonetheless significant others.

 

Between work, school, and family, who has time to date?

 

I would prioritize a relationship, but I find my pet just takes up too much of my time.

 

Maybe if my boss didn’t require me to be responsive 24/7, we weren’t in a failing economy, and I weren’t terrified of losing my job, I’d have more time to give to someone else.

 

Because I’m waiting for my perfect dinosaur to come along.

 

I’m waiting for a madman with a box to come along and sweep me off my feet.

 

I would be in a fantastic relationship, but I just don’t want to.

 

Because my fur babies come with me.

 

Dude, you don’t know me that well, but I’m weird.

 

I refuse to “settle.”

 

I’m too tall and fabulous.

 

I’m not an Ayn Rand fan.

 

I’m a rather intense person and all those other foolish men were too weak to handle me.

 

I don’t want children. For some unknown reason a lot of men seem to really want crying, puking, pooping, screaming pink things that will take all their money.

 

I make pod-racer (like in Star Wars) noises while I’m speedily driving my car over hills and dales.

 

I’m in love with fictional characters in books, movies, and TV shows.

 

Benedict Cumberbatch has yet to return my calls.

 

The other side of my bed is taken up by my laptop, my iPad, my books, and the TV remote. Sorry.

 

I’m a cat lady with permanent resting bitch face.

 

I am independent and intelligent, and some boys find it intimidating; that is why I am waiting for a man.

 

“I am too intelligent, too demanding, and too resourceful for anyone to be able to take charge of me entirely. No one knows me or loves me completely. I have only myself.” ―Simone de Beauvoir

 

I’m still single because I’m scared of anything more than myself. I’m scared of someone entering my life, and knowing very well what my life is and what it entails: the good, the bad, my dreams and my darkest fears. I’m scared of someone having me, all of me, and then later changing their mind.

 

In a world of Barbies, I’m a Polly Pocket.

 

And the best answer of all….

 “I’m still single because the act of self-care, above a relationship, is a revolutionary necessity for my survival. I’m still single because I don’t have the patience or tolerance for willful ignorance. No, I’m not your “exotic” plaything, I will not rap for you to “prove” the authenticity of my blackness, I will not silence myself because you are uncomfortable and I will not conform to your stereotypes. The sad thing is, at least in my experience, it’s much easier to meet someone who believes in such racism than not. Additionally, I’ve been told my ambitious personality is a total-turn off. Living in the suburbs exasperates the whole traditional route of “get married, have kids, do not pass go” and while many of my high school acquaintances are content with never straying outside the box, I want something else. So, for all of you young women who are dreaming of running the world, use this line courtesy of Eartha Kitt, “A man has always wanted to lay me down but he never wanted to pick me up.”

Holla at me

Natalie

Natalie is, despite her best efforts, somewhat of an adult. Ish. A resident of the San Francisco Bay Area, a film student at UC Santa Cruz, and an avid Harry Potter fan, Natalie spends too much time on the internet avoiding major responsibilities. Unless it's baseball season. Beneath snark and sarcasm lies a proud feminist with a sailor's mouth and the occasionally witty and/or intelligent remark. Or so she hopes.
Natalie
Holla at me
%d bloggers like this: