The last time I was single, I was 15.
Here’s a plot twist: my last relationship ended over a year ago. Although I’m a full believer that single people should never be singled out, maybe it’s time to single myself out and reevaluate.
When I was 15, I had no idea what it felt like to kiss someone and was completely unaware of how to approach feelings beyond blushing and butterflies. However, the one thing I had down to a T was how to take care of myself. I may not have been completely confident at the time, but at least I wasn’t relying on anyone else to hold my hand.
Now I am 20 years old, and I have been single for over a year … or so I thought.
Although I broke off a relationship to have independence, freedom, etc., in actuality, the moment I became “single”– I was anything but independent or free.
After my last relationship, I quickly found myself in the classic “good girl” meets “bad guy” scenario. And we all know how that spiel goes, but I had no clue how it would end. All I knew for certain was why it needed to end.
Whatever I had with that guy ended before it even really started. That’s not the dilemma here. It’s not what happened with him that got to me, it’s what happened with me that got to me.
Once bad boy fling was said and done, I continued to try to get myself out there. I went on a handful of dates with guys who couldn’t be more different. And though I may have been present at all those dates, I was still too lost in my past to participate.
Every single one of those dates left me feeling even more single. And while I kept trying to go out and meet other people, there was one person I never fully left.
Sure, nobody wants to feel alone. But holding on to someone in our past is practically a dinner date invitation for a party of one. I need to remember that I was in a relationship and chose on my own accord to end it. Being single didn’t mean being alone. It meant being independent and free, and that is something I still want.
So why have I allowed myself to hold onto something/someone I never wanted in the first place?
I will probably never know that, but I do know one thing. Only me, myself, and I gave the “bad boy” that kind of control to be bad for me.
Being hung up on someone who was nothing but bad news made me anything but independent or free– and yet I was/am still single.
At 20 years old, I now know what it feels like to kiss someone and I’m now (somewhat) aware of how to approach feelings beyond blushing and butterflies. I have gained so much more confidence since I was 15, and yet the one thing I had down at 15 is something that I completely forgot how to do.
Probably one of the greatest perks to being single is that we are in control.
And when we’re single, we’re not really alone at all– because we have ourselves.
I think it is so easy to get caught up trying to please others. After all, who doesn’t want to be liked? And why would we ever want to dislike anyone either? Yet in the process of trying to please everyone else, we need to remember the most important person to please: ourselves.
Probably one of the biggest mistakes to being single is thinking it’s a bad thing.
While I only wish for the people from my past to take care,
darlings, it’s time we take care of ourselves too.
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