To Be Or Not To Be: Friends With Benefits

No strings attached: Does it really work? Can it actually exist and/or function? After all, how could you possibly commit to something that is seemingly commitment-less? Is it possible to take on a relationship that is supposedly anything and everything but a relationship?

So what happens if/when these “stringless strings” were cut off? Could they leave me feeling more tied up than I would have ever wanted in the first place?

I think that’s why I don’t think being friends with benefits is possible.

I cannot relate, first-hand, to anyone who has experienced a no-strings-attached relationship. I have always been a relationship girl through and through, whether that was my initial intention or not.

Yet maybe that’s the prime reason why I, personally, could never have a friends with benefits: because I know I would eventually long for more. Just the thought of being “stringless” with someone makes me feel tangled up in a web of thoughts and emotions.

The way I see it, we have far too many layers to allow a solely no-strings-attached, friends-with-benefits relationship to function without any other emotions forming in the process.

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I figure the initial attraction to having a friends-with-benefits relationship over an exclusive, committed relationship is that no attachment is necessary. But then, is attachment something we can avoid?

I’ve found it’s not attachment that scares me, but rather the idea of being abandoned. Sure, being friends with benefits claims to have no attachment, but it does guarantee an expiration date—and if that isn’t abandonment, then what is?

But some people say that no strings attached truly can and does work. I guess it must all be mentality and perspective, because no relationship can be generalized 100 percent. Maybe it’s just that simple—which might be why it has the potential to become that much more complicated.

Ella
View Comments (2)
  • I couldn’t agree more, thanks for this article! I think it’s definitely a really common, socially acceptable thing now, especially being in university. I’ve heard so many guys say “I don’t have time for a relationship, I just want to keep things casual.” But every time I’ve gone into a ‘friends with benefits’ situation I’ve ended up becoming emotionally involved and getting hurt. A lot of that came from trying to do what the other person wanted instead of being honest with them (and myself) that it was really a relationship I wanted. I have friends that say it’s worked for them in the past, but I guess it depends on the person. Personally, I think if the two people involved aren’t exactly on the same page then it’s not going to work, and there’s no guarantee that once you start hooking up your feelings aren’t going to change. If a guy doesn’t want a relationship, why not just wait for one who does?

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