For the record, I’m not calling myself ugly. I’m just not calling myself “hot” either.
I’m not the type of girl you’d be intrigued to see in a bikini. I’m definitely not the type of girl who would draw you in with her eyes (I don’t know, people write songs about stuff like that, maybe those eyes do exist). Oh, and I’m absolutely not the type of girl who has the personality that would make your stomach flip.
At least, I’m not that type of girl to provoke any of those feelings off the bat.
I have the body of a pre-puberty 12-year old boy (think Justin Bieber’s “Baby” phase).
My eyes are such a poopy dark brown that back in the day, my driving permit stated that I had black eyes—which would mean I would only have pupils, meaning I would be blind, meaning I would be handicapped and unable to drive… and yet, I not only received a permit but eventually upgraded to a license. But the point isn’t to question the DMV, although now I totally am. The point is, I just have dark brown eyes that you would and do come across every day.
Oh, and if you didn’t get this memo after the way I’ve been describing myself, I’m anything but sexy. In fact, I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I have ever been described as that and each time has left me uncomfortably laughing. I’m just not that girl who is socially confident enough to sweep a guy off his feet with whatever wit and charm that takes.
Although I may not be the “hot” girl, I’m learning to be the girl who’s OK with that.
I hope this doesn’t come across as another article on the Internet that preaches how and why you need to love yourself. While self-love is essential, I’m just hoping this is an article that makes myself and maybe others feel like it doesn’t make anyone less attractive or worthy if we’re anything less than being that “hot” girl.
Between being in a sorority in college and working at a nightclub, “hot” girls are everywhere. They have the perfect bodies to match their perfect faces, Pantene-commercial hair, and naturally confident and charming personalities that always win everyone over. I’m surrounded by these stunning people constantly, but it’s time for me to stop fixating on what they have that I don’t and instead start fixating on what I have that they will never have. Like how besides my little sister, no one else in this world will be the perfect blend of my parents. My parents who are the perfect blend of their parents, and so on and so forth. Maybe that blend didn’t turn me into the “hot” girl, but it sure makes me feel like a lucky girl whenever I put that into perspective.
I’m clumsy with my posture, my feelings, and my future. I don’t exactly know where I’m going yet or what I want in life. I bite my straws when I sip my drinks the same way I bite my lip when I’m nervous (disclaimer: I’m not trying to seduce you, it’s actually a horrible habit. If I’m especially nervous, my lower lip will swell up or bleed a little from how much I’m biting on it… so yeah, definitely not a turn-on.)
I consistently find myself in moments of weakness where I feel insecure. Or the times when my feels are all up in my grill, and when this happens, I try as hard as I can to abandon these feelings completely and to pretend being emotional is a state of mind that I’m making up in my head. The times when I get stressed out, and the many times when I find myself in situations where I’m feeling and acting far from perfect.
Despite all of that, I must say, I do love my personality and I do love the person I’m becoming. I think I’m funny sometimes, even though I get pretty corny—although I call my corniness being witty. I love/hate that I sneeze as loud as an old man, and I think my awkwardness can translate into being cute every now and then.
I don’t know, I may not be what others would consider “hot” but that doesn’t mean that what I have to offer won’t attract someone someday. It will. It may not happen off the bat, but good things don’t come easy either.
I’m learning to be OK with knowing that I may never be or look like the girl on a Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, or really any girl on any magazine, period. But hey, if I can be the girl that can look at herself in the mirror, know who she is and what she stands for, and not look back or second guess it, then I must have done something right. And having that confidence is actually pretty hot in it’s own way, if you ask me!
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