When I first heard Sia’s “Big Girls Cry,” I was on my way home, taking quick strides in the sweltering heat. I was trying to stay alert and barely paying attention to what I was hearing. But then, just a few seconds after she started to sing, I slowed my pace and I listened to the song, captivated.
Her voice sounded like a melodious cry. I could feel the pain, the sadness and the fatigue in her voice. It was as if Sia herself were reaching into my chest and digging deep for my own painful secrets. It was as if she were whispering to me, “I know you’re not okay.”
My heart softened and tears began to blur my vision. But I swallowed, blinked the tears away before they could roll down and picked up the pace.
“Let it out. Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking…”
But then I reasoned: I’ve got nothing to cry about. I’m stronger than that. I’ve been through a lot but I’m fine. I’m good. I’m moving on…
The tears came back immediately. I became paranoid and self-conscious. So many people were around me, but thankfully, home was only a block away. Surely, I could make it through my front door without breaking down.
My pace sped up to an awkward speed walk/ slow jog as I tried to hurry home. I couldn’t bear it, the thought of breaking down in public, being seen by total strangers or even worse, by neighbors that I knew. I grabbed my phone and put the song on pause, but by then it was already too late. I hurried the rest of the way home, avoiding eye contact with everyone in my line of vision. As soon as I got home, I bolted to my room, shut the door and just lost it.
I couldn’t even bring myself to get through the rest of the song, for fear that I would break down all over again. I was fortunate enough to get home before anyone else did that day, but I just couldn’t risk letting anyone see me get that emotional. So many people have commended me for being the strong girl who keeps a positive attitude or who never complains, so I had a streak to maintain. I just couldn’t bear to be seen as “weak” or “pathetic.” I wanted to be the tough girl.
But after I had the chance to listen to Sia’s powerful song in its entirety, my outlook what defines a “strong woman” changed completely.
In a society where women strive tirelessly to be seen as equals who are deserving of proper respect, I can understand why the saying “Big Girls Don’t Cry” was so easily accepted. Being emotional is automatically labeled as a feminine quality, and since feminine qualities are constantly associated with weakness and being “soft,” women are perceived as helpless and deprived when they embrace their emotional side. So as a retort, this popular slogan was used as an attempt to transform society’s definition of womanhood, an attempt to empower women by saying: well, like men, we are capable of being strong, fearless and emotionless too.
But here’s what I never realized: This message was actually doing the opposite. Because when women are encouraged to hide their vulnerability, they are taught to hide who they really are for the sake of their image and reputation. They are taught to be cowardly, and they are taught to equate the act of crying with weakness and helplessness (when in fact, being this vulnerable takes more courage than trying to keep these feelings hidden). Much like men are pressured to maintain a tough façade by hiding their feminine qualities, women are suddenly expected to follow suit, just so they can be perceived as strong.
We’re all too familiar with Fergie’s catchy pop ballad that echoes the same phrase, “Big Girls Don’t Cry,” and for those of you who are into the classics, Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons also did a fun tune of the same name. But since the phrase is thrown around so causally, it’s hard to consider what the underlying message really is. It’s hard to challenge an idea that is so widely accepted as positive and influential. But even so, Sia was bold enough to single-handedly destroy the popular slogan by saying: Newsflash! Big Girls DO cry! And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Her song, “Big Girls Cry,” is such an eye-opening and refreshing take on how women deal with pain and heartbreak because it tells us that womanhood is not defined by how emotionally fragile we are. Rather, it is defined by our strength of character, our ability to love fiercely, our capacity to take on challenges and make good choices, and above all, our ability to be honest. “Big Girls Cry” reminds us that being emotional can be liberating and that it is nothing to be ashamed of. It reminds us that crying is not a sign of weakness but one of strength, because it encourages us to be true to ourselves and to be open. Burying so much pain for the sake of being the “big girl” will only make us feel like walking pressure tanks that are on the verge of exploding.
Sia has gained my utmost respect for silencing the echoes of this stereotype. She has succeeded at putting an end to this ridiculous notion that strong women are not allowed to break down and has reminded us that while women are tough, they are only human. Although it’s definitely inspiring to see a strong girl take her struggles in stride, I will always have more respect for the woman who can boldly come out and admit this, without shame: “I don’t care if I don’t look pretty, big girls cry when their hearts are breaking.”
About Nakeisha
Nakeisha is an ambitious 20-something-year-old who has a dangerous obsession with chocolate and young adult novels. After graduating from Baruch College with a degree in Journalism, she started her own blog for book reviews and show recaps, which she really enjoys. Other than sticking her nose in a book and typing away at her laptop, Nakeisha also enjoys baking, coffee, and long walks to the bookstore. If you visit your local Barnes & Noble, you just might find her sitting at the reading area with her face hidden behind a novel.
Sia is wonderful. I love the unique perspective on the world she shares through her music. And “Big Girls Cry” is a lovely song.