There is a certain glory in being well read, and the smug satisfaction that emerges from being able to name-drop important books is almost addictive at times. But everyone, and we mean everyone, has some skeletons in their reading closet, those books shoved to the back of the shelf or even under the bed. Whether it’s the occasional indulgence in Cosmo or a secret collection of the romance novels, these secret guilty pleasures bring you joy like nothing else, especially upon repeat readings. Here are some of LD’s favorites.
- Dave Barry – The best kinds of books involve multiple booger jokes. Recommended: “Dave Barry’s Guide to Guys,” “Insane City.”
- Cosmopolitan. – Because this is a magazine that suggests you should “have a pizza party in bed… as, like, a sex thing”.
- “Valley of the Dolls” by Jacqueline Susann – This book is the definition of camp but it’s irresistibly addictive. The movie version with Sharon Tate (her last film) and Patty Duke is almost Showgirls level of melodrama.
- Pearls Before Swine – We can definitely be suckers for comics (no, not even graphic novels), and sometimes your day needs terrible puns, a dumb pig, and a talking, alcoholic, world-hating rat.
- Doctor Who fanfics – Equal parts awkwardly written, hilarious, and completely sexually inaccurate (if you read the smut, that is).
- Jenny Lawson aka The Bloggess – If you haven’t read “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” you should go buy it right now and get ready for a new ass because yours is going to get laughed off. She is hysterical; and you are guaranteed to send her stories to your friends.
- “Bridget Jones’s Diary” by Helen Fielding – Bridget is a mess, her mother is insane, and imagining Colin Firth as Mark Darcy makes the book all the more enjoyable.
- Tumblr smut – It’s like watching a train wreck and you can’t look away. Smut featuring Justin Bieber, 5SOS, or Harry Stiles? Yes it exists and yes it’s exactly as awful as you might expect.
- Archive of Our Own – The largest home of fan work, fanfiction, and fan art in any possible variation you can fathom. Some good, some terrible, some super kinky, some out of this world amazing, and it’s free reading with characters you already love. What more could you ask for?
- V.C. Andrews – The old lady who wrote “Flowers in the Attic” and 50+ more books like it. Books on books about wealthy girls trapped in old mansions, oppressed by elders, experiencing love and sex.
- Anything by Julia Quinn, or other Avon Historical Romances.
- The Twilight series – We fondly refer to these as brain crack, because once you start reading, it’s this awful shit pouring into your brain and you can’t look away. Although, to be honest, we watch the “Twilight” movies because they’re so awful and we love to make fun of them. “Hang on, spidermonkey!” WUT?
- Meg Cabot (her adult books, GASP) and Sarah Dessen – Could also be called “stereotypical romances for teenagers that only serve to make adults sad.” So obviously we keep reading them on a rainy day after we’ve had a tad too much to drink.
- “The Woman I Wanted to Be” by Diane von Furstenberg – Because a successful fashion designer who says “You don’t have to be a bitch to be successful” is everything.
- Forensic psychology books (such as this) – Just in case Hannibal, Bones, or “In Cold Blood” isn’t enough to make you afraid to sleep at night, we keep these in our reading pile. And then we take notes on them. This is sounding so much creepier than we intended. It’s just interesting, OK?
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