By Adele Stewart
For 8 years and 9 seasons, we have been overwhelmed by the Kardashians. Their overdone contoured faces and plump asses have bombarded our television sets since 2007, and it’s getting seemingly worse.
Don’t get me wrong, I think the Kardashians are funny. I actually really do. From what I see on television, they are pretty level-headed despite having more power and money than anyone knows what to do with.
And although every Kourtney and Khloe mini-series makes me laugh to an extent, I think it needs to be said that it’s time we stop letting the Kardashian family run our lives.
First, we had this crazy obsession with Kim.
It all began when she appeared in her rather “adult” film adventure with former rapper Ray-J. I’d like to throw in there that I’ve watched that video and was unimpressed with Kim’s bedroom manners, and found her “dirty talk” to be repulsive. Regardless, her family made a profit off of the distribution of the video, and then the Kardashian name blew up.
They got a reality television program and immediately went to work on building an empire.
Things were fine for awhile—the Kardashians weren’t great dressers and no one really looked at them as trendsetters. Eventually as they started raking in more millions, their style changed and 20 year olds began to spend time and money trying to get a butt like Kim’s and overusing the word “Bible” in social settings.
2011-2013 were hard on the American people, as their brains began to shut down due to the lack of quality prime-time television. We started wearing more foundation, and caring about not having an hourglass shape.
We began to name our sons Mason and started to use the word “literally” when describing figurative situations. We became more open about our sex lives and were constantly convinced that heels and an ombre-cut made us “bad bitches.”
2014 was supposed to be the year we took our dignity back, but instead of running towards salvation, we ran straight into the arms of a new generation of Kardashians—the Jenners.
Kendall and Kylie Jenner are the youngest siblings in the Kardashian family—Kylie at 17 and Kendall at 19, not even the U.S. legal drinking age.
Being the children of Olympic medalist Bruce Jenner, all these girls have known is wealth, exposure and layers upon layers of makeup. No seriously, at the age I was learning to not flush maxi pads down the toilet, they were learning to wear crop tops and sew-in extensions (that was at age 14, mind you). They literally got to pass go, skip the “awkward gween (girl tween)” phase and land right on “fucking stunning.”
The worst part is, their publicly broadcasted adolescence has been influencing normal teenage girls to try to be the same way.
A few months ago, I was getting my nails done a few seats over from two girls who had to have been no older than 15 years old. The one girl had on ripped denim jeans, a crop top covered by a black leather jacket, a black hat and dark black lipstick. The other girl was wearing a nude cable knit hi-lo sweater with an exposed black bra underneath it, ripped denim shorts and high black boots. Her hair was choppy and filled to the root with blue and purple streaks. Her lips weren’t black, they were nude but her eyelashes reminded me of the sweeper part of a broom.
I thought these outfits were a little odd but mostly because it was three in the afternoon on a Saturday, and it was also mid-October. Please bear in mind I was wearing yoga capris, boots, a random college hoodie, no makeup and a messy bun because I deemed that fall-appropriate attire.
I tried hard not to eavesdrop on the conversation these characters were having, but let’s be real—I was extremely amused.
The first part of the conversation went a little something like this:
Black Lipstick: “I want my nails just like this *flashes picture of Kylie Jenner’s black pointed claws on Instagram*”
Nail technician: *Taken aback* “You want black nail polish?”
Black Lipstick: “Yeah, and I want my nails this shape.”
Nail technician: “Really?”
Black Lipstick: “Yes. I want them JUST like the picture I showed you, maybe longer.”
The technician blinked in disbelief while shaking her head and began to get to work, the buzzing of her utensils drowning out any conversation Black Lipstick and Cable Knit were having. I went back to minding my business as my own technician ripped and tore at my cuticles.
Not much long after, the salon started to clear out, thus my neb-nosing resumed. Black Lipstick and Cable Knit were discussing a rating game they played on Instagram with another 15 year old, who allegedly was a 5 on an unknown rating scale.
Cable Knit carried on, “Maybe if she got extensions or colored her hair once in awhile, she wouldn’t be so ugly.”
Black Lipstick laughed.
“Well not everyone can be bad bitches.”
I made eye contact with my technician who whispered to me, “Are you listening to this?”
I immediately started laughing because I absolutely was listening to it. He laughed back and made a face that read “What the hell is wrong with these people?”
The truth was, I didn’t know what the hell was wrong with those people. But I had a slight inkling that their problem was that they are being influenced by the wrong type of role models.
I’m not saying all I do is sit in front of TMZ or read tabloids in line at the cash register in the grocery store, but all I do is sit in front of TMZ and read tabloids in line at the cash register in the grocery store. I see Kendall and Kylie gracing the covers in their crop tops and black talons, their eyelids painted black and heavy lashes glued to them like they were a new kind of American girl doll. Every week it seems like a Jenner makes a top story—whether they are dating some 30-year-old rapper, or getting boob implants and lip injections, there they sit on the front page. These “cover girls” are not people we should be idolizing.
If you or someone you know has been possessed by the power of the Kardashian/Jenner family, consider seeking help. Or at least turn yourself on to influencers like Emma Watson, Mindy Kaling or Sophia Bush at a young age. I firmly believe if you focus your attention to celebrities who encourage thinking as opposed to horrific beauty standards, you will find making your way through life will become a lot easier.
And who knows? Maybe in a few short years the Kardashians and Jenners will be a thing of the past like slap bracelets and Ray J. I’ll leave this one in your hands, folks.
Adele spent most of her preteen years getting yelled at for writing inappropriate romance shorts in 7th grade math class. At 25 she has lived in one part of Pennsylvania, then another, then another to finally return back to her native land of Erie, Pennsylvania after college. A marketing strategist by day, and local theater actress by night, Adele spends most of her time creating. If she’s not writing tips to get over a bad breakup with, or using humor to recover from a crappy situation, she is just writing to see her thoughts on paper. She enjoys creating lists, but not list posts; drinking a bottle of wine or three; laughing at poorly executed jokes; yelling obscenities at the refs on TV during Pittsburgh Steelers games; and carbs.