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How To Turn Your House Into A Gym Without Ending Up At The Fridge

How To Turn Your House Into A Gym Without Ending Up At The Fridge

From Thanksgiving to New Years, I usually gain about five to ten pounds from holiday parties and good cheer. Potlucks are the best, and so are leftoversand while excess food is much appreciated, I am guaranteed to eat way too much in one sitting just because food is there. Or inside my fridge. (Especially cake.) As a self-proclaimed glutton, I can’t stand if there’s uneaten cake inside my house. I think about it all day until I can go home and put it inside of me.

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I know this unhealthy thought cycle needs to stop. If any of this resonates with you, you may be interested in this foolproof guide I’ve concocted on how to turn your own house into a gym—without ending up at the fridge every time).

1. Buy a jump rope.

jumpwrope

Jump ropes are fun, and will bring back schoolyard memories of double dutch and recess galore! If you time yourself for 10-20 minutes, you will be able to get your cardio in and jump far, far away from your refrigerator. Plus, when you’re done, you can always use it to tie yourself to a chair so you literally cannot physically end up at the fridge.  

2. Make your very own apartment Parkour obstacle course.

parkour

(I stole this workout from The Office!) Parkour!

I highly recommend* using chairs, counter space, and coffee tables to execute this well. Hide your electronics from the cannonball your body is about to become. The hanger rack is a great place to swing from like a monkey.

Use the fridge as part of the course, and there’s no way you’ll end up inside of it. Promise.

*Literally, Darling, The Office, and Rachel Resnik are not liable for any damage done to yourself or your living space as part of this workout. PARKOUR!

3. Dance alone and often.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t think you know how. Turn on Songza, Spotify, or any of your favourite jams and have an impromptu dance party! My go to is Icona Pop’s I Love it. I know it’s a few years old, but “YOU’RE FROM THE 70S, BUT I’M A 90S BITCH!” Speaking of the 90s, another alone-dance party go-to is The Spice Girls. If you play them on repeat, and keep dancing the entire time you’re in your house, you won’t have time to open the fridge. You’ll be too distracted having all the fun.

Lastly, I highly recommend learning the choreography, and/or imitating the girls in the Justin Bieber video Sorry.

Sunglasses are not optional.

4. Instead of playing drinking games, play burpee games.

Every time you hear Roxanne, instead of taking a shot, do a burpee!

Every time you hear Shots Shots Shots, do a burpee!

Your friends are going to love it. When they come over, they’re going to have ALL of the fun doing burpees with you. Hello abs! You’ll all be too tired to actually get drunk and do or say anything you regret the next morning.

5. Wine bottle barbells for your beach bod.

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Open up your fridge, find all of your wine, and start doing bicep curls. Forget barbells. A typical 750 ml bottle of wine weighs about 1.65 lbs. (I put some wine on a scale, this is totally scientific and accurate). That means that you need at least 4-6 bottles of wine to make your wine work out sweat filled. I’m working on this new workout plan called winelates where you do pilates moves holding bottles of wine. You can even take a sip in between breaths. If you don’t drink, then large bags of pretzels from Costco work well too. Definitely let me know if you’re interested so I can open up my studio in good faith.

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6. Invite friends over to your place and play Twister  

twister

Twister is one of the most athletic games ever created. It should be an olympic sport. You can right hand on yellow and left hand on red your way into achieving all of your fitness dreams!

7. Play beer pong with protein powder, water, or Gatorade, and when you get a ball in a cup, do 100 jumping jacks.

This one is pretty self explanatory. You’re welcome.

8. Cardio-clean your house!

This is my favorite. A workout and cleaning all in one? I used to hate both of those things, but together, they’re dynamite! Kill two birds with one stone (or do the nonviolent, vegan version of  that if it floats your boat more),by timing yourself, and see how fast it takes you to speed clean everything in your apartment. Run, dust, jump, clean dishes! Do push-ups and situps in between! You can even clean your fridge—but if you’re anything like me, just make sure there’s no cake in there beforehand.

9. Let one of your pets escape and chase it.

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Animals that this works well with: birds, mice, hamsters, dogs, cats, and bunnies.

This way you and your little buddy can get some exercise all at the same time. (Depending on where you live and the type of animal, I wouldn’t necessarily take this outside.) If you feel like trying this, birds are especially great at it. My parents have a bird named Rocky, and when I go home, sometimes I put Let it Go or Eye of the Tiger on repeat and let him escape “by accident.” He flies around for several hours while I try to catch him with oven mitts. The entire time we bond, and get a great workout. I saw him recently, and he is like 5 feathers lighter.

You can also do this with children if you or anyone in your family has them. Borrow your sister or cousin’s kids for awhile. Don’t tell them why, you don’t need to. Free babysitting, am I right?

Got any other fun, gym-free workouts to do at home? Tweet @litdarling and @RachelResnik with all your ideas!

Rachel Resnik

Rachel Resnik is an actor, writer, and comedian originally from New York City. She is currently a travelling flaky millenial, and lives no where and everywhere. She is of Italian and jewish descent and part of the ethnic group known as the pizza-bagels.She is also the writer and performer of the one woman clown show In Denial which has been performed all over Canada and in the United States.She can swear in 7 different languages, and draws her life philosophies from a combination of The Godfather and Elf. She enjoys making impulse decisions she can clean up later, overdosing on coffee, watching live theatre religiously as if it were a sporting event, and once made up a ghost in her apartment to get out of meeting a deadline. www.rachelresnik.com
Rachel Resnik
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