When you turn on the radio, how long do you have to wait until a song comes on about a guy talking about having sex, getting head, or, shall we say, skeet skeeting? Assuming you are not listening to an oldies station, three songs? Four songs?
Fun fact about me: When I was in high school, my mom pulled me aside and had an actual talk with me because she was concerned I was “not getting enough pleasure in my relationships.” I used to think oral sex for women was gross, and she was trying to set me straight. “Blow job” and “sucking dick” were common vernacular in the media, but I never heard about women getting theirs. Even when female rappers were bragging, it was often about how fast they could get a guy off. I completely didn’t understand that going down on a woman was something that could be pleasurable for both parties.
A few boyfriends later (thanks college!) my mind was 100% changed, and I started to get angry at the lack of publicity for going down on a woman. So many guys were just as enthusiastic about giving pleasure as they were about receiving it—so why weren’t female orgasms showing up on the radio?
Well, they were, sparingly. And here are some of the best, from oral to self-love in one extremely NSFW playlist. Pussy power, y’all.
1) Lil’ Kim – “How Many Licks”
The original Queen Bee, before she went and became a cartoon, was a goddamn inspiration. Featuring Sisqo, because, obviously.
(Side note: the Wikipedia article for this song is the best thing I’ve read all day)
2) Pitbull – “Ay Chico (Lengua Afuera)”
Pitbull is not my favorite. His songs are annoying and I’m confused by all the gushing about how hot he was when he would show up on “My Super Sweet 16” because he looks like a creepy hairless elf with sunglasses. However, the one thing I can say about Pitbull—the man likes going down on women and isn’t afraid to talk about it. And for that, I kind of like him.
3) Khia – “My Neck, My Back”
Before there was “eating the booty like groceries” there was Khia. Tell ‘em what you like, girl.
4) Ludacris ft Trina, Shawna, and Foxy Brown – “What’s Your Fantasy Remix”
Oh, you think girls are all about flowers and romance? Let these ladies set you straight.
(Also notable that I cannot find on Spotify: Trina’s verse in “One Minute Man,” a song that is a perfect example of the double standard—“beat it up” is an OK lyric but “eat it up” gets censored. Anyway, Trina is great if you need a reminder to be a bad bitch).
5) Kehlani – “First Position”
I first saw Kehlani perform during SXSW last year, and again at Austin City Limits this year. She’s engaging as a performer and quite frankly I’m surprised she’s still in the limelight. She’s also 21 and bisexual, and this song is a pretty blunt reference to experimentation. Hey, boys aren’t the only ones who can give o’s. Anyway, you gotta love a song with the lyric: “Stop messing with those boys get you a lady.”
6) Tweet feat. Missy Elliott – “Oops”
Man, sometimes you just look fucking good, and you have to do something about it. Five stars for Missy Elliott’s additions.
7) Britney Spears – “I Wanna Go”
One of the few pop stars on this list, Britney is probably the biggest name to make a reference to masturbation on a song (that got LOTS of airplay). What, are you going to shame her for needing release?
8) Lil Wayne – “Lollipop”
To clarify, I absolutely understand this song is about blowjobs. However, consider the line, “That pussy in my mouth had me lost for words.”
9) Big Pun – “Still Not a Player”
This song is catchy as hell for many reasons but Big Pun bragging about his thick tongue makes it that much better.
10) Rick Ross ft. Wale – “Diced Pineapple”
Again, someone I don’t particularly love as a rapper but if you sing about giving head, you get my respect. Best line in this song though goes to Wale: “Right now I’m trying eat, we don’t need a spoon.”
The Pussycat Dolls – “I Don’t Need A Man”
So let me break it down/I can get off when you ain’t around
Foxy Brown – “Candy”
Now how bad you wanna know if I’m sweeter then candy?
After creating this list, here are my demands for future equality. 1) More guys bragging about their skills rather than how much head they receive 2) More women bragging about how much head they receive rather than their skills at giving it 3) Step it up, indie music crowd—where’s the Deathcab for Cutie song about this very important subject?