20 Unedited Thoughts My Boyfriend Had During “Pride & Prejudice”

I made my boyfriend watch the 2005 “Pride & Prejudice” with me. It is a truth universally acknowledged that this is the greatest movie ever. I love it, most ardently. I was half agony, half hope in anticipation that he would love it too. It was all perfect…until I realized that like Darcy, my boyfriend is a bit of a dick.


1. Is that Jane Eyre?

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2. Are those the Little Women?

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3. Do you mind if we used closed captions? I want to eat my tacos.

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4. Never mind, I can’t eat tacos in bed.

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5. Ew, who’s the ginger? Why?

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6. Oh, now I remember, Darcy is a dick.

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7. Why are their teeth so good? This can’t be accurate.

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8. I feel like the American Colonials had a much different reaction to the British militia marching through their town.

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9. When did guys stop wearing fancy dress military uniforms to balls?

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10. Did you know that George Washington was posthumously named a 7-star general so that no one could ever outrank him?

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11. What a bitch.

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12. God this dance makes me motion sick.

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13. Wow Mr. Collins is short.

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14. I’m in love with Mr. Collins.

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15. Oh shit, I left a cucumber in my book bag.

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16. Dude, Charlotte, just wait until some rich guy goes blind and then marry him.

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17. Mr. Collins always looks like he’s about to cry or poop his pants.

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18. Oh my God just bang already.

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19. This isn’t fair, he has a low cut shirt and the music is swelling.

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20. Jesus. What a babe.

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Hope
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