While cleaning my room a few days ago, I stumbled across the collection of my childhood diaries. Four of the first six volumes of my life’s unedited chronicles are bound in Wizard of Oz-themed covers, the remaining diaries adorned with scratch-n-sniff stickers, ribbons, and the occasional “JS <3 [insert crush’s initials] 4ever.” What began as a means of documenting the trials and tribulations of the third grade soon turned into a series of angsty middle and high school anecdotes. Today—at diary #12—I’ve found comfort in rereading entries from my early years of journaling, noting with relief that many of the “worst days of my life” were quickly overcome with some well-chosen words and the belief that my 6th grade heartthrob would one day realize he and I were meant to be together. 10 years later that realization is still TBD, but 22 year old me appreciates 10, 12, and 15-year-old me’s unwavering optimism. And aggression.
Introducing: The 11 Best Lines From My Childhood Diaries
12/27/03: SOS SANTA
Dear Diary, I’m wondering if Santa is real or not. I mean, some of my presents said, “To Julia from Santa” but it looked like Mom’s handwriting. Maybe I should ask Dad. I’m stressed. I think I need a therapist.
3/13/04: Uh oh
Dear Diary, I think I’m going to Hell because today at church my little sister asked what the host tastes like, so when I went up for communion I bit off a small piece and saved the rest for my sister to try. It just tastes like cardboard. I think I broke a church law so I probably have to pray a lot so that God doesn’t strike me down. Gotta go.
1/18/06: Stupid Math
Dear Diary, Right now I am mad. I’ve been mad lately because of MATH! I HATE math! I have a test on Friday (today is Wednesday) and my mom thinks that I should do the tutering class during lunch and recess. I think lunch and recess are the only free school times to socilize. I’m REALLY MAD!
Dear Diary, Today I heard that the Bird Flu is coming to the U.S.A. so I decided to write my will, which is stapled to this page. You’re probably confused, so let me explain. The Bird Flu is very contagious and it’s coming to America. That’s all I can tell you right now.
9/8/06: Important things are happening
Dear Diary, Today a boy in my P.E. class asked me to be his girlfriend. I don’t really know him, but one time he told me my Converse sneakers were cool. He’s right. I said yes, but don’t want to have to talk to him every day. We’ll see how it goes. Also a few days ago Steve Irwin died, which was sad.
9/11/06: So long sucker
Dear Diary, Today I broke up with the boy from P.E. class because I realized we’re not meant to be together. I finally realized that in 6th grade you start getting gushy about boys but I’m not gushy with him. I mostly stand there and hope he doesn’t talk to me. He said it was ok, but maybe he’s mad about it. I hope he stops picking me to be on his team when we play soccer because I don’t like soccer.
11/14/06: I’m kind of related to a murderer
Dear Diary, Yesterday my mom’s friend gave her a vase that belonged to Lizzie Borden (she killed her parents with an ax… ouch!). I think it’s cool, but no one at school knows who Lizzie Borden is, so I have to keep telling them the story and then they get freaked out, but I still think it’s cool so they can get over it.
7/5/07: Locked in the closet
Dear Diary, Right now I’m locked in my closet. I was making it into a cool office where I can write my stories and work on becoming famous, but I always forget the door locks and I closed the door and no one else is home, so hopefully I don’t starve to death in here. The good news is I just had lunch so I should be ok for a while.
7/5/07: Not locked in the closet anymore
Just wanted to let you know that mom came home and heard me banging on the door and she let me out. Oh! I forgot to tell you that I read The Shining. It was good, but really scary so I put the book in the hallway at night so it couldn’t haunt my room.
4/30/08: Horrible News
Dear Diary, Today my swim coach told me he wants me to move up to the senior group and do two practices a day AKA swim from 5:00-7:00am before school starts AND swim again after school. I told him I would think about it, but what I wanted to say was that I would rather gouge my own eyes out and pour salt in the empty sockets. I HATE swimming. I still think Michael Phelps is hot, but I feel like I can still admire him from afar even if I hate his sport.
5/30/08: The Diary of Julia Skorcz
Dear Diary, I’ve been reading The Diary of Anne Frank, but to be honest I don’t really understand what she’s saying most of the time. No offense, but my diary is a little more fun to read I think.