There’s a small part of me that thinks you could be the “right guy,” but it’s the same part that thinks that of every guy who makes my heart do things it shouldn’t. The difference is that you’re who I think of when people say to “date your best friend,” except I’m too afraid of losing that best friend to dare try to change that.
While I don’t believe you’re the one and I don’t believe we’ll ever be more than friends, you’ve raised my standards and shown me what I need to look for in “the one.” I have a better idea of what he looks like than I ever have before because of you.
He’s someone who drops everything to pick me up on short notice. Who goes out of his way to see me when he doesn’t know when the next chance will be.
Someone who introduces me to all his friends with the story of how we met. Our versions may differ slightly, but his enthusiasm in telling it is too cute to correct.
Someone who organizes my things when I’m stressed. Who buys me gifts that remind him of me without even looking at the price tag. Who trusts me with passwords and pin codes. Who opens car doors for me. Who, before I’m finished saying “I’m hungry,” has already handed me snacks.
Someone who always makes sure I have a drink in front of me, be it water, or coffee, or alcohol. Who puts my name on gifts for friends because I couldn’t make the party. Who tags along to see my favorite bands without a single complaint, even when he doesn’t know most of the music. Who isn’t afraid to dance with me in public.
And when it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, because it can’t always be, he lets me be mad. He apologizes and takes my anger rather than make me feel crazy like so many before him have.
But most importantly, he’s someone I can be myself around. Someone I can get wine drunk with and talk music and life and dreams. Who makes me laugh when I don’t feel like laughing. Someone who knows me yet somehow still wants to spend time with me.
I don’t think we were ever meant to be more than this. If we were, it would have happened already. I have to remind myself that being a decent human isn’t synonymous with anything more than platonic love. It’s just not something I’m used to.
There was a time when we might have worked, but I likely wouldn’t have taken your advances seriously or given you a chance. Then other people got in the way, and it was through our own respective heartbreaks that we grew close. I don’t think I would see you the way I do now had those things not happened as they did.
Even if you could be the right guy, time was never on our side, and likely never will be.
So instead I’m thankful to have you in my life as one of the best friends I could ever ask for. I could never risk that friendship. I don’t think you could either. And I’m thankful that you’ve shown me how I deserve to be treated.