Let me tell you a little about myself, something which may freak you out, and which is almost certainly far too much information, considering we have never met: I enjoy anal sex.
I never, ever thought that I would type out that sentence, let alone think it or speak it out loud. I was strongly, adamantly not interested—even against anal. It was something I just couldn’t get behind (pun intended). My sex life is probably what would be called “vanilla” sex. There are just a handful of positions I favor, and I’ve only recently introduced toys to the mix. I thought anal was gross, wrong, ultra-taboo, and weird. For the first six years of being sexually active, my vagina (and my mouth) were the only places for a dick to go into, and my asshole was an absolute, don’t even think about it, no-go zone.
Previously, before getting it in the tushie, I had conversations with two of my closest girlfriends about anal sex—both of them are borderline adventurous in the sack, with one being a bit more willing to try whatever, wherever. The consensus? All three of us were dead-set against anal. And it’s not really surprising that we all felt this way, since anal has historically been condemned by the Catholic church for hundreds of years, seeping into the cultural viewpoint around, and about, anal.
Once in a blue moon, my long-term partner would bring the bum up, asking if I would be into trying it. But even he asked in a wistful tone, already knowing what the answer would be (hell no). It eventually became something that he knew wasn’t going to happen, so he stopped asking. But then we got married, and, as many newlyweds do, we went on a honeymoon. I didn’t think that we would be all sex-crazed, given that we had been having sex for a long time before getting married, and that we were already very committed to each other. But oh boy, there is something about marriage that really makes you horny for your new spouse. Commitment, love, or just time to fuck all day long, honeymoons are sexual adventures. At least that’s how it was for us.
My husband and I had a marvelous sex-capade on our honeymoon, and somewhere midway through, we ended up doing it. “It” as in dirty, dirty anal sex. I’m not exactly sure how it happened (although we did briefly pause, and discussed that we were, in fact, going to try anal, and I even tried to perform some sort of internet research on how to prepare for anal sex ), and neither do I feel like divulging that much information about my sex life, but I do know that I was the one encouraging it. And what was the most surprising thing? I liked it. I liked it so much that writing about anal is turning me on right now. I enjoyed it, but I also felt surprise, and even shame for enjoying it. For whatever reason, I felt that I had done something revolting, and I was slightly repulsed by what I had done. But then an hour passed, and I had done it again.
Yep, I had popped my brown cherry. It would be awhile before I could openly admit to myself that I had anal sex, and liked it, and a few months before I wanted it again. Does it hurt? No. Is it dirty (as in shitty)? No. In fact, “the anus and the lower part of the rectum actually have very little fecal material in them.” Do I orgasm during anal? Yes, actually (especially while my clit is being stimulated at the same time). Vaginal penetration has always been the least likely way for me to orgasm, with more direct clitoral stimulation needed.
But anal? Likely because it is considered taboo, I always feel especially more adventurous and sexy while doing it—and I don’t do it often—so it’s pretty nice to try every now and then. And the ironic thing? I actually enjoy it more than my husband. Anal has helped me discover more about myself sexually, and even brought my husband and I closer together. I initially saw anal sex as a vulnerable position, but it can also be OK to do—even great!
Because I heart anal, I’m an advocate for those who want to try it. But I’m also an advocate for trying it right. Make sure you discuss it with your partner beforehand, either way before (perhaps discussing it as a theoretical thing) or immediately before; or even stopping the foreplay to make sure you are both wanting it (like with my experience—and luckily for us, both my husband and I had read about anal beforehand). Make sure that you actually want to do it, and that you are relaxed, take it slow, have a lot of lube on hand, and that you still use a condom, to protect you from STDs. If you and your partner trust each other, and are willing, then why not? And it doesn’t have to be just for you – if your partner is into it, try a prostate massager on him. After all the prostate is to men’s pleasure what the clit is for us. You may love it, or you may hate it; everyone is different. But me? Well, I love butt sex, and I cannot lie.