How (Not) To Hit On A Waitress

By Sierra Weltha

I am twenty-three years old and living in Los Angeles. I am not an actress, musician, artist, or anything else you want to associate with people who live in LA. However, I do consider myself living the actor lifestyle, meaning, I eat one or two meals a day and hold a “day job,” while living in a tiny apartment and relying on my bicycle for transportation. My job is not something I want to do forever—the service industry gets old. However, it has taught me a lot about people. More importantly, it has taught me that guys who hit on waitresses are clueless. Let this article be a tribute to those who just haven’t gotten it yet.

I’ve been working as a waitress for over 6 years. This means I’ve had my fair share of customers trying to make their move on my dime. Don’t get me wrong, it can be flattering and sometimes even reciprocated. However, it can also become a complete and “udder disaster” (yes, my boobs are there but my eyes are up here). Coming from the waitress perspective, let me give a few cues to help you desperate gentlemen out.

  1. Don’t be rude, you asshole.

We all know not to bite the hand that feeds you—the waitress. It’s even more appropriate that you are not rude to the girl you’re hitting on. Why this could ever occur to someone as an option is beyond me, but believe me, it has been done.

  1. Yeah, let’s pillow talk on my work phone.

On multiple occasions I have had a customer come in to dine, leave, then call the store asking for me. Obviously, I do not remember “the guy who ordered the steak well-done.” Hello! Servers see thousands of people a week and you expect us to remember you? You’re going to have to try harder than that. Oh, and do not get your steak well done—Ew. Total turn off.

 

  1. Tip only your number. I’ll call you, maybe… not.

After all, serving IS OUR JOB. It’s how we make our money. If your “tip” is your number, we’re not going to call no matter how much you promise “you’ll treat us later.” Also, tip accordingly, a 15 percent tip does not suffice. If you’re looking for a callback, a 25 percent or more is definitely the only way to ensure a higher chance. But don’t try too hard; an outrageous tip shows serious desperation (aka not attractive).

 

  1. The more the merrier?

This, too, seems self-explanatory. But again, some people just don’t get it. No, do not hit on me while there is a hot blonde sitting across from you staring deeply into your eyes. It’s awkward for me, it’s embarrassing for you, and its just plain sad for her. It makes for an incredibly uncomfortable dining experience.

 

  1. Ignore me.

I have never understood how guys will leave their numbers when the only thing they said to me the entire time was which menu item they wanted. That’s not intriguing enough! I need to see your personality to see if it’s worth pursuing. An order of fries doesn’t quite make the cut. Although I guess that does mean we have something in common.

 

6. Let’s chat for an hour, then I’ll work.

Don’t take up our time. You are there out of choice, we are there out of necessity—we are trying to make money. Don’t hold up the line or make our other tables wait, just so you can ask us what we do on the weekends. It’s annoying, distracting, and money-sucking. If we want to talk to you, WE WILL find time between running food, taking orders, and delivering the third gallon of “low-fat ranch” to that woman watching her diet at table seven.

So there you have it. Some staple bullet points for your next waitress encounter. Unfortunately, this will not guarantee you a call back; you’ll have to rely on your wit, charm, and handsome good looks for that one. Good luck!

Oh, and just to give you some hope, I have called a few of these fine gentlemen—but they were the ones who played by the rules of the game, of course.

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About Sierra

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Sierra Weltha is a recent graduate in public relations. She is working on refining her skills to become a top PR professional. She enjoys coffee, writing, beauty, health tips, non-profit organizations, thrift shopping, and more coffee. You can read some of her other writings for the award-winning beauty blog, My Beauty Bunny, at www.mybeautybunny.com.You can also follow her on Instagram or Twitter under the handle @sierraweltha.

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