Twenty-Something Tuesday
Social media is a many-headed beast, driven by a variety of sins but especially envy, vanity, braggadocio, and pure schadenfreude. Whether you use your accounts all day every day or only as an occasional check-in, there are sure to be a few posters or habits that summon forth the most pronounced eye roll. Below are some of our least favorite social media sins.
1. DUCKFACE IS NEVER OKAY.
- No. Not even okay for Miley. Stop.
2. How many selfies do you need per day, really? Unless you are like, traveling somewhere cool by yourself, I don’t think the answer is more than one. Your “Bathroom mirror selfie” is not really that different from your “lying in bed” selfie or your “in the car” selfie.
- Besides, your bathroom mirror is hella dirty. Now we’re double-judging you.
3. People who do not fact check in any way before sharing outrageous articles on Facebook. No, Gardasil is not causing the death of young girls, you cannot charge your iPhone in the microwave, and yes, Snopes.com is your friend.
- The world may never know.
4. Anyone who posts about being annoyed by improper grammar and has a mistake in their very next post.
- The cardinal grammar sin with a dash of hypocrisy. Our favorite.
5. Being terrible at taking pictures, yet Instagramming every boring moment of life. Like no, we do not need to see a picture of your empty plate, the women’s bathroom sign, or your cubicle. That shit is not artistic, it’s stupid, and your photos have no likes for a reason.
- Don’t care! Never will! Bye!
6. Let’s take this a step farther—don’t take ill-lit, half-eaten pictures of food. Grainy and yellow pictures of your BBQ or vegan stir fry are not appetizing (we’re talking to you, Martha Stewart). They look like baby excretion. If you want to be a food ‘grammer, sit down and take a lesson from LD writer Liz.
- Even Spock is nauseated by your pukey-beige baked tempeh.
7. Posting shitty quality videos of a concert/speech/event. Why would I watch your terrible video when there is YouTube?
- Yeah, we get it. YOU WERE THERE.
8. Letting social media bleed so much into your “offline life” that you speak in hashtags. You probably think you’re doing it ironically, but you still sound like a douche.
- Hashtag you’re a f*cknut.
9. Any kind of post/tweet-jacking when you take the opportunity to interrupt someone else to start a fight about completely unrelated topics and/or to talk about yourself. It’s really not copacetic.
- The Internet is not your soapbox.
10. Airing your dirty laundry…for all the Internet to see. Your mama (and LD) taught you better than that, and if you wouldn’t discuss these intensely personal topics face-to-face with your nearest and dearest, why would you blab them all over Facebook? Sharing is not always caring y’all, and sometimes private things are meant to stay private.
- Daniel Radcliffe doesn’t care about your skeezy boyfriend, and neither does anyone else.
11. #Posting #Every #Word #In #Hashtags
- #suck#my#hashtag
12. When your Instagram feed/profile picture album is just one long gallery of you and various BFFs wearing the same outfit and doing the “skinny arm” pose.
- “GOOD TIMES WITH MY FAV LADIES!!”
13. Subtweets—if you have an issue with someone, at least have the cajones to be up-front about it.
14. Really strange Capitalization that often Accompanies A Heartfelt Political Post or appealing About miley cyrus.There Is No Reason This Is Necessary.
- bonus Points if there is A random Space between the sentence And the Punctuation .
15. TROLLS. The kind that search hashtags and then mercilessly bash you with their opinion until you lose it and start shouting at them in all caps. People are intentionally being idiotic douchecanoes nine times out of ten.
- Quell the rage and starve the trolls.
16. People who feed the trolls. “Never argue with an idiot. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.” They are looking for a rise out of you—just ignore them and they will go away.
- Unfortunately, such is the nature of the Internet.
17. Status attention baiting. “Just wish my life could be good for once… don’t ask.” Well then don’t post it, f*ckboy. It’s that easy.
- We literally cannot find an ounce of f*ck to give in our cold, reptilian heart.
18. Chronic gym check-in-ers. Obviously it’s fine to check in with friends every once in awhile but if my whole Newsfeed is you “gettin swole” “shedding poundage” “sweating my way to skinny” then you need to turn all the way down and focus on something valuable in life.
- You know who cares? N O O N E.
19. People whose statuses are all copied from once-funny Tumblr posts. Not only is your unoriginality obvious, it’s making you and the original joke exponentially less funny. Everyone knows what you’re doing.
- We see you.
20. Constant smoking/drugs/drinking videos or photos. Yes, congratulations, you have successfully consumed a controlled substance. You blowing smoke at your camera is sooooo artsy. Your 17 consecutive profile pictures starring handles/red cups really makes you look cool and edgy. STOP. We’re all adults here. (JK, clearly we’re not).
- ‘GRATZ, BRO!
