The “Hamilton” Men Are Literally Every Kind Of Cliche Boyfriend

Unless you have been living under a rock you have heard of Hamilton: An American Musical. If you have any taste you have bought or borrowed the soundtrack and listened to it on repeat for days until you can sing along with the fastest rap. Since the obsession began I have listened to Hamilton approximately 1,000,000 times and in my many sing-alongs I realized that these founding fathers are so similar to the men of today. Here are the men of Hamilton as boyfriend tropes.

ALEXANDER HAMILTON

Hamilton is the kind of boyfriend who will marry his job long before he’ll marry you. He might be a starving artist or a lawyer but he is chasing ambition at whatever the cost. He is that really intense guy you date in college who gets a write up in the NYT years later for some groundbreaking art form or mathematical theory.

AARON BURR

Aaron Burr is just looking for some arm candy. He will never share his emotions or the secret parts of himself and is constantly searching for a legacy to leave behind. He will be wildly successful by playing all sides against each other no matter the bridges he burns. One day you can be his trophy wife just remember to “talk less smile more.”

MARQUIS DE LAFAYETTE

Three words. Foreign. Exchange. Student. Hard to understand at first he is passionate about his ideals. He is the hot French dude you get to experiment radical new ideas with. Willing to fight for what he wants and loves a good trip to a bar for “inspiration.”

THOMAS JEFFERSON

He is definitely the kind of boyfriend who will veto all your ideas. His plans are definitely the best and are always epic. No boring nights in with this guy that just won’t do for him. He’s wicked smart but he doesn’t work for what he has. He’s the guy who gets things handed to him aka trust fund baby. He’ll be the one who’s hesitant to “put a label on what you have.”

GEORGE WASHINGTON

He’s the older guy you dated with more “life experience.” He doesn’t have anything to prove and he makes you feel really safe, but he’ll leave when he feels like you should be with someone your own age. He’s established and willing to pay your way, which is nice cause it’s time to stop eating Taco Bell. He’ll take you places you literally couldn’t afford and tell you that it’s time to grow up now.

HERCULES MULLIGAN

This guy is obsessed with the gym. Not as much with his physical appearance (although that’s not bad) but with getting strong. He wants to be able to fight his way up the social ladder. He won’t take you home to meet his parents or childhood friends since they wouldn’t recognize him anymore. He’s changed himself to hide his background in order to fit in with the rich people around him.

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PHILIP HAMILTON

Philip has all the swagger that comes from a lifetime of everyone telling you that you are special, but he has none of the follow through. He won’t be known for making good decisions and feels the need to defend people even when they tell him they are fine. He is the kind of boyfriend that looks like he’ll be perfect, but the relationship ends too soon for reasons you don’t understand.

KING GEORGE

George is the quintessential “lifetime” boyfriend. Most likely to be featured in a “based on real events” Lifetime movie (and it’ll be one of the crazy ones not the romantic comedies). He just can’t believe he’s not perfect. Why would anyone leave such a gem like him? He might try to make you stay for a lifetime by always threatening to kill himself or you if you leave him. After all he’ll send a fully armed battalion to remind you of his love.


VOTE HERE: Which of the “Hamilton” men would you go out with?

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Lindsey
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